Super Screwup (ONC 2022)

Chapter 1 - The Phone Call

 Megafantastic Man stood in front of the full-length mirror and gave himself the old once over. He adjusted the little curl in front of his hair so it sat at just the right angle and then flexed his pectoral muscles in just such a way that they appeared to bounce up and down of their own accord.

"You still got it, ace," he said aloud to himself and flashed his famous smile with his blindingly white and perfectly straight teeth.

Except...

"What the heck? Is that a piece of lettuce stuck between my incisors?" He worked at it with his super-powered tongue, but it was stuck firmly in place. "Lester! Where are you? I need you here immediately!"

"I'm standing right behind you, sir," his assistant said as he covered his ears. "There's really no need to use your extra loud super voice."

"Are we forgetting who's in charge here, Lester? Never tell me what to do. Don't forget I could snap your spine in half with the merest flicker of my pinky finger. Luckily for you, I'm one of the good guys. Noble and honorable as the day is long. But you're distracting me from the point at hand. Why didn't you tell me there were some remnants of that nicoise salad I had for lunch stuck in my teeth? Are you trying to make me look like some kind of fool?"

"No, sir," Lester said. "I'm afraid I didn't notice. You've been standing in front of that mirror for the last forty-five minutes and pretty much blatantly ignoring me."

"Well maybe if you weren't such a bland little unmemorable nothing of a human being I wouldn't forget you were in the room with me all the time. I swear I don't know why I keep you on the payroll. Make a note, Lester. I'm going to need you to go online later and look for suitable candidates to replace you. Try to get a young hot chick if possible, but only if they seem like they're not too litigious."

"Yes, sir."

"Oh, and Lester, I'm going to need you to bring me some floss immediately. This damn lettuce is really wedged in there."

"Right away, sir. And if I might be so bold as to also recommend a tic-tac? You've got some serious tuna breath from that salad."

"Er, yes, of course," Megafantastic Man darted his eyes back and forth. "And make sure my cape is ironed, while you're at it. The red one, not the blue one. It pops better on T.V."

"Yes, sir," Lester said as he backed out of the room obsequiously.

"I swear you can't find good help anywhere these days," Megafantastic Man said as he turned his gaze back to the mirror so he could appreciate his finely chiseled features. "My my, that's one heck of a jawline you got there if I do say so myself. And those baby blues? Yowza! Is it getting hot in here, or is it just me?"

"Sir?" Lester called out from behind him.

"Back already? That was fast. Maybe I won't need to fire you after all."

"You have a collect call from the Northern California Detention Center for Supervillains and the Criminally Insane."

"Who the heck would be calling me from there?" Megafantastic Man scratched his head.

"It's your brother, Marvin."

"Marvin? What did that idiot do this time? Doesn't he know I'm about to accept a Medal of Honor from the President of the United States on national television? Tell him to call me back later."

"He says it's urgent, sir."

Megafantastic Man let out a sigh as he rubbed his forehead with his palms. "All right. Give me the phone."