Forget (OffGun)

45.

Gun's POV:

Ever since we came back. I did all I can so that me and P'Off wouldn't see each other.

I was leaving early but I am making sure I always eat breakfast with Yanna and will give a time to cuddle her at night.

I was just so lucky to have her because she was so understanding. She was always even cheering me up every time I leave the house.

I couldn't even ask more for this. I was so happy that I'm afraid of changes.

I'm happy but I don't know if this is a genuine happiness. Ever since I started to distance myself from everything, I keep on convincing myself that I am okay.

And eventually, I felt like I am but not exactly. It's really hard to explain it. I'm also confused.

I am trying everything just to not meet him. It's not that I don't want to. But I can't. For some reason I'm scared.

The trauma I got from 5 years ago. It makes me scared for a lot of things. Especially when it comes to love. And meeting the person who cause it, I don't know how will I really feel.

For some reason, I don't want to face what I really feel.

I've been doing fine for 5 years. And now that I'm back here. The reality hits me that him and me were living in the same country. Breathing the same air. Driving the same road and there's a big chance that we'll meet.

I don't want that to happen. As much as possible, I don't want something to change. I want this. It's peaceful and I'm happy, I guess.

I also don't understand my feelings but I'm sure I do not want to meet him.

Call me coward or something.

I just don't have the strength to face the truth.

I've been working myself for 5 years just to be okay. And I did because I don't see him. And I don't really know if I can stay calm if I ever see him. My hard work might turn to nothing.

Right now, I won't just think about myself. I have Yanna, and for me, she's my everything. Everything I do will surely affect her. Now, there's nothing important than her. She's my priority.

P'Tay told me that Yanna already met Off. I don't know what to feel about it. And I'm trying my best not to care about it.

But right now, I needed to work, for Yanna. For her future. I am not just acting for fun or because it's my dream. I am working for her.

And before we even came back here, I accepted a new project and I needed to leave Yanna with Dad because it's an outdoor shooting.

We'll be shooting in a province and stay there for at least 2 months. I cannot bring Yanna. I am sure I can't look for her if she comes.

I was also kind of scared Yanna might be angry at me. But I was a fool of thinking that way.

She was excited about it because she knows how I love acting. She even cheered me up and assured me she'll be fine because Dad and my friends who'll be left here will take care of her.