The Citizen Soldier (DNF)

2) Take Back A Life

Trigger warning: Implied/Referenced Self Harm towards the beginning of the chapter, "*****" means you are safe.

*Clay POV*

"Don't do it, you'll regret it immediately."

Clay wondered what the brunette that was so close and yet so far away wanted to do with him. He hadn't met anyone on the street in the middle of nowhere trying to save his life before. Then again he'd never met anyone under those conditions.

"I know that it can be hard, near impossible even, to believe that you can be worth something, that you can be who you are, but you have to trust me that you'll at least figure that out someday if you live."

The brunette rolled up one of his sleeves and revealed many thin, white lines gracing their beautiful malebaster skin. It stung to look at, although he had never resorted to cutting himself, he knew that it was painful. It sent him into something of a bit of panic in the panicked state he was already exposed to.

*****

Clay closed his eyes, brought his head to face the floor and covered his ears. He panted to try and regulate his heart rate and shook his head, tears almost falling from his face. He was weak, he was nothing, he could never be anything and he shouldn't be saved.

"N-no I-I'm weak, I'm nothing I- I- I don't deserve- I can't, no..." he heard someone talking, it sounded like him, it seemed like it could be him, but it wasn't, it couldn't possibly be him. If it were him it wouldn't sound so panicked and it wouldn't sound so high pitched and it wouldn't be so stupid of a plea.

"Can I touch you?" The other person's words cut through Clay's thoughts like a knife through room temperature butter. He had to think for a second before letting them touch him, but he nodded and waited for whatever they wanted to touch him for.

He was mildly, though happily surprised to see that the brunette merely gently grabbed his hands, cupping them palm up in his own with thumbs lightly intertwined. It grounded him. Their hands were soft, while his were a bit rougher and tougher. He had seen a lot of sun with these things. Then there was such a gentle tug at them that it could barely be seen as anything more than a light suggestion, and he knew that if he didn't want to, he could resist. This person was not trying to force him off, just let him down of his own free will, and that's when he decided to blindly trust them and step down.

As his feet met the old, pitted concrete below, a few tears rolled down his cheeks and then it was a flood of them; they wouldn't stop. He couldn't make them stop. How could he be so weak-willed that this person that he didn't even know could take him away from the one thing that he had control over? How could he be so stupid as to listen?

*???*

The person that was in the brink surprised me by stepping off on the first little pull that I offered. The blonde seemed distraught and in pain by the time that they stepped onto the proper part of the bridge, their tear flowing unchecked through their eyes. They seemed to try to hide them from me, even though I already had seen them, so I just chose not to address it. I was saying random things in my comforting and calm tone to keep us both grounded at this point.

I hated it when these kinds of things happened. I hated it when these poor broken people wanted to die here, thinking that nobody would come and see them try. I hated that they normally hated me for saving them and tried again and again until they eventually probably just chose a different spot to go and do it.

I hated that I didn't feel effective, because I knew that I was. More than 3/4 of the people that he saved from here never came back, though only three had offered their phones for his number. He was good friends with those few, and they visited and called and stuff when thoughts persisted and needed a vent, or just wanted to hang out with me. I could tell that they thought I felt lonely and they wouldn't be wrong about that, I really was.

I led the stranger over to my home, which also happened to be the car, and took a water bottle out of the flat. It had taken a full ten minutes to get us over here despite being about a minute and a half walk away. Slow and steady kept alive. I offered them he water bottle, and after taking it they glanced at it suspiciously.

"It's untempered, don't worry." I had the slightest bit of amusement in my voice. "Look, it's sealed and everything, see?" I pointed it out, and after a moment they looked at me gratefully and started to slowly drink the water. I smiled in their direction, glad that they were taking a few steps towards salvation. Sure, I'd now saved over two hundred individuals by this point, staying here for five years and keeping an eye out by night for those that felt they had no other option. A surprisingly large number of them were cis female, a few were cis male, and the rest were non-binary. Then there were the queers. Over half of those that attempted, at least in this particular spot, were members of the LGBTQIA+ community.

It hurt to see.

The other person finished their water and looked awkward, like he didn't know how to give thanks. They cleared their throat. They looked much calmer now, though tired.

"Thank you, for the water." They said. I noticed that my smile had dropped and I smiled brightly in their direction.

"Aww, it was nothing." I waved it off. I decided to introduce myself. "My name is George, I use he/him pronouns. I'm twenty. You?"

They looked a bit startled, but they started talking anyways. "My name's Clay, I use he/him pronouns and I'm twenty years old." Clay. I thought it was a nice name. He looked embarrassed by it.

"Clay is a nice name, I like it." I smiled. I now took a good look at the boy in front of me and noticed his yellow hoodie, black jeans, and his yellow vans. He must really like yellow. "You look good in yellow," I offered.

He looked very confused. "I'm not wearing yellow, I'm in mostly green and black." Oops.

I laughed awkwardly. "Sorry, I'm colorblind, I couldn't exactly tell..." I shook my head. "But it doesn't matter, you still look good, the outfit suits you."

*Clay POV*

George. The boy who just saved my life, asked my name and pronouns. He gave me water and calmed me down, complimented me and my name, and he's colorblind. I don't know why that bothered me so much, it seems like something dumb to get worked up over. So I didn't, I forced myself to keep my mouth shut about it.

Then I realized that it was late and we were just standing there in the cold.

"Oh, sorry George, we're just standing out here in the cold now. Uh... I can walk home, I'll be okay-"

"No, I'll drive you there if you like. It's not safe to walk home in the dark. Passenger side seat, go on." He waved me to the car. I chuckled a little at the gesture and walked around the back of the car to get in. The first thing I noticed about the interior is that it looked very lived-in, with fairy lights lining the inside roof and blankets folded on the floor of the backseat. There were clothes and a suitcase there too, and the car smelled of vanilla.

There was a cooler in the back with the flat of water bottles atop it and the windows were tinted. I never thought that I could think of a car as a cozy little place, like a camp. It made me wonder if anything was stored in the trunk and what it would be. George snapped me out of my thoughts by entering the cozy atmosphere and handing me his phone.

"You can put in your address, I can drop you off nearby, or you can put in your number." He winked when that last bit left his lips and I blushed, quickly putting in my address, I didn't care if he knew where I lived. I then started the gps and decided that I would fuel his teasing if nothing else and I put in my number, assuming that it would be nice to have a friend that understood my instability and liked my style.

I handed him back the phone and he looked surprised that it was on the phone app with a new contact that I simply labeled 'Clay' with the description '20 year old boy at the bridge'. It had my number in it. The gps spoke at him and he shrugged and started the car. Even the engine sounded soft and homey.

We started off to the place that I was convinced I would never see again earlier today and I felt hope. Perhaps this world wasn't all that bad. There was one thing I was certain of, though.

I was taking back my life today, and I had a friend to help me through.