All That and Then Some

ALICE - Everything Counts (In Large Amounts)

MERCIFULLY, LUNCH IS OVER and we're edging on toward dinner time. I have text confirmation that Buddy is still alive, does, in fact, remember that he has a daughter, and is on his way to pick her up from my place now.

Must've been one hell of a night if you're only getting over your hangover now!>

Three dots appear, then disappear. I decide not to mock him. Hangovers are awful at our age. At least he's on his way.

"Okay, Angel," I say to the child as I fish my keys out of the diaper bag. "Daddy Buddy is coming to get you and bring you back home! Isn't that exciting? We'll have to pack up your things and make sure we got all the syrup out of your ears, okay? No mention of curtain fires, though. Don't want Daddy Buddy thinking Auntie Alice is a bad babysitter."

"Bad babysitter," she repeats.

"Not a bad babysitter!" I remind her.

"No fire," she confirms with a nod. I believe we have an understanding, but I guess we'll see.

After struggling to roll the monster stroller into our tight front hall and releasing Angel from its clutches, I set about trying to collapse the thing. I try to remember how Vic managed to get it uncollapsed since, presumably, recollapsing it would be a simple matter of repeating those steps in reverse order.

I press the various pedals to no effect. I kneel beside the thing to get a better look, flipping levers and catches, succeeding only in releasing the seatback, which flops backward with painful force into my face.

"Ow!" I gasp in surprise, then reflexively try to swear it into submission. "Collapse, you bastard!"

"Mum!" Maeve comes thumping down the stairs. "Tim is hogging the goddam bathroom again."

"Maeve, don't swear in front of the baby."

She rolls her eyes in my general direction.

"Can you tell him to get out? I need to go."

I can feel my frustration mounting. "Use the basement washroom!"

"I can't! Jeffry's taking a shower in that one."

"Where's your dad? I need him to figure this thing out." I kick the stroller spitefully.

She shrugs. "I dunno. Still at work?"

I pull myself to standing and, hand on hips, regard my nemesis with a squinty eye. "Alright, you bastard. You've won this round...." I say to it, giving it another poke with my foot. "But reinforcements are coming. I wouldn't get too comfortable if I were you, you sorry, bloated excuse for a perambulator."

"Mum. I thought we weren't supposed to swear in front of the baby."

"Maeve, go back to school," I say ferociously, having had it up to the veritable here with everything.

She gives me a steely glare before stomping back up the stairs.

I take a long slow breath. I am floating on an ocean of calm. I am floating on an...

Ding Dong!

Oh, thank god. I leap over the stroller, which is smugly taking up most of the hallway, and edge open the door to find a downcast-looking Buddy on the porch.

"I'm so sorry, Alice," he groans. "I know I really took advantage. Has Angel been a nightmare? She can be a handful. I should have come first thing this morning. I shouldn't have gone out last night at all. I feel awful about it. I feel awful in general."

"Actually," I lie, knowing that he needs me to. "She's been pretty good most of the visit. After the syrup incident anyway." I pause but then quickly say, "But never mind. Listen, this stroller. How do you get it down? I can't...."