this is me trying c.s

6

hi possible TW?

Rivers pov

I just got out of Jordan's car and I'm walking up the stairs to his apartment. He's 18 and still in high school, his parents kicked him out last semester. I keep wiping my hands against the legs of my sweatpants, they're sweating so bad. I reach his apartment 304. I knock on the door but no answer, trying again, no answer. I open my purse and grab my phone so I can text him but he opens the door before I got to his chat.

As soon as Will saw me he sighed, "Hey babe." He gives me a small peck on the lips and walks inside. I close the door behind me and follow him into his room. I sat on his bed and he sat down at his desk, puts his headset on, and starts loading up Fortnite. First of all, he's acting as if he doesn't have a whole female sitting on his bed. Second of all, I thought we left that game in 2016.

I'm so over this, I usually love being over but I just want to go home. "Hey, can we talk?" I ask in the most genuine way I can, I don't want him to get upset.

"Not right now, I'm playing my game." He mumbled.

"Yeah I understand that but you were the one who invited me. I don't wanna sit here and watch you play video games all night." Yikes. I shouldn't have said it like that.

He grunts like a fucking gorilla and takes off his headset, placing it on the glass desk. He spun his chair around so he was facing me, "Then talk."

"Ok first of all, I really do hate fighting with you and I don't understand why you're upset with me. I don't know what I did wrong." I'm genuinely confused.

He sighed once again, "You technically didn't do anything wrong." He put emphasis on the 'wrong.' "I'm mad because you don't find me attractive anymore."

"What? I never said that." I said genuinely confused.

He cocked his head back, "You didn't say it but you sure did act like it last night."

"When? Because I didn't wanna have sex with you?"
If that's the reason, that's bullshit.

"Bingo." He said, pointing his finger at me.

"I just wasn't in the mood last night, it was nothing personal. That's all." I'm trying the best I can to not sound like I have an attitude.

"Right."

"I've just been really stressed recently with school, my job-"

He interrupts me right there, "You're acting like your 'job' is so much work. You film youtube videos and pose for a camera. Fuck, River every time you do a photoshoot you just have to sit in a chair and everyone does the work for you. You don't do anything! They do your makeup, your hair, and pick out your outfit."

I just sit there for a second and try to process what he's saying. Once I get my thoughts together I speak, "Just because you don't think it's a lot of work, doesn't mean it doesn't make me stressed."

"You just love to put everything over me, don't you?" He said.

"What do you mean? I come over almost every night." I say folding my hands in my lap.

"Yeah but I practically have to drag you over here. It's like you don't even wanna come. You say 'I have homework, I have to film, I have a meeting,' and let's not forget your favorite line, 'I'm too tired.'" He said as he quotes me through most of it.

"Yes because school, work, and my mental health is important. I need a break sometimes." I say. I'm not getting frustrated, I just feel like crying. This conversation is too much pressure.

"So you're saying i'm not important?"

"Again what? I never said that. You are important but we're in high school and i'm just starting to get my life figured out. The filming that I used to do for fun is now my job. It wasn't as prominent when we first starting dating but now it's something I really need to focus on."

He gets up from his chair and starts pacing around back and forth with his hands on top of his head. "River stop trying to act as if you're perfect and this isn't personal."

"But it's not personal, I-"

He interrupts me yet again, "Just stop talking I need a second to think."

"Hey please don't talk to me like that." I say, again trying not to sound angry but now I'm getting frustrated.

He stops pacing and faces directly towards me. He drops his hands down to his sides, "River this isn't fair. I should be your number one priority."

I stand up too because I don't like feeling low to him. "I'm not saying you're not, I just have a lot on my plate."

"You know what-"

"What?" I say in a pretty passive aggressive way, now interrupting him.

He walks over to me and stands close, I can feel his chest up against hime. I'm now looking straight up at him. I feel so intimidated.

His face bunches up and he points his finger right in my face. "You do seem stressed, why don't you go pop some pills like your brother."

I instantly get the headache that forms in the back of my head when I get upset. My eyes start welling up with tears and my throat starts to close. I'm still looking at him right in the eyes. As soon as he sees my tears he his face relaxes and his eyebrows get closer together. He looks like he instantly regretted it. His hands come out from his sides and he goes in to hold my face. "River I'm so-"

"Don't!" I back up before he's able to hold my face. I grab my purse off his bed while i'm still looking at him dead in the eyes. I turn around and start heading for the front door. I can hear him following close behind me but I don't bother to turn around and say anything. I grab onto the cold door handle and twists. I'm halfway through the open the door. "River please-" is the last thing I hear before the slam of the front door cuts him off.