Dark Desire (The Sequel to NSHD)

I am not sure

Katie

I have been staring at these same sullen walls for over a week now. Owen is asleep in the chair beside Alex’s bed softly snoring. He looks so peaceful while he sleeps. The sling on his arm is gone now because he said it was driving him nuts.  The door makes a soft creaking noise. I turn my head as a petite blonde nurse walks into the room.

“The doctor will be in here soon to discuss the results from Alex’s EEG. Is there anything I can get you while you wait for the doctor?”

“No thank you.” I stand up and make my way over to Owen. I run my fingers down the side of his face trying to gently wake him.

Groggily he opens his eyes, “What’s wrong?”

“The doctor will be in here soon.”

He grimaces as he sits up in the chair. The pain in his shoulder has started to diminish, well that’s what he says but by the look on his face I know he is trying to hide it. He pulls me onto his lap and wraps his arms around me. A lone tear slides down my face as I lay my head on his chest and he holds me tighter. His chin rests on top of my head as he gently rocks me.

I soon find myself getting sleepy in the warmth of his arms.

I feel a gentle nudge and awaken to see that the doctor had entered the room. I quickly stand up and walk next to Alex’s bed. Owen follows behind me and places his hand on my shoulder.

“Alex’s condition has improved very little. He does have signs of brain activity however we will not know definitely how much damage was done until he is a little older. For now we will slowly wean him off the ventilator to see how he tolerates breathing on his own,” the doctor explained solemnly.

“So he is going to be ok?” I asked confused.

“We won’t know for sure since he is so young. If he is able to start breathing on his own then we will at least know that the area of his brain that controls his respiratory functions hasn’t been damaged.”

I felt a little relieved yet even more scared at the same time. My mind was caught up on the fact that my son could potentially not be normal like every other child his age. I can’t ponder on that though, at least for now my baby is alive.

“We will begin the process of weaning him from the ventilator in about a week so that we can give his brain some more time to heal properly. In the meantime we will continue to monitor him closely for any change and recheck his scans. Do you have any further questions?” he asked.

I shook my head no then he nodded and proceeded to leave the room while Owen said, “thank you.”

“He is going to be ok, I just know it,” I whispered.

“He is a fighter just like his mother,” Owen added as he pulled me into his arms. I wrapped my arms around his waist as he held me close to him. We sat there and watched Alex for what seemed like hours before we decided to leave the room to get something to eat.

We quietly walked down the hallway hand in hand to the cafeteria. His nurse offered to stay in the room with him until we returned, which was the only way they got me to leave his room. The smell of fresh brewed coffee hit my nose and awakened my senses. I can’t remember the last time I actually had something decent to eat.

Owen ushered me to an empty table where I sat down slowly. So many things were running through my mind right now that I found it very hard to focus on what I was doing at this moment in time. Owen returned to the table with two plates of scrambled eggs and bacon. It smelled really good but my stomach was still turning with worry for my son.

“Hun, you have to eat something,” Owen said as I picked up my fork and began pushing my eggs around my plate.

“What if he has severe brain damage from this?” I ask quietly still picking at my food. I take a small sip of the coffee sitting in front of me they grimace at the bitterness.

“Then we will deal with it. He is still our son no matter what. If he becomes permanently disabled from this then we will adapt.” I could see the sadness and guilt in his eyes.

His dad brought us the police report a couple days ago which clearly stated Owen was not at fault for the accident. I know I should not blame him but I am finding it hard not to. I know it could have happened to me as well or anyone else for that matter.

I managed to eat half of my food then pushed my plate away. Owen finished his meal then cleared the dished from our table.

“How is your shoulder feeling?” I ask.

“It’s fine, you don’t have to worry about me… Are we ok?”

“We will be fine,” I reassure him, although I wasn’t completely sure about that. I have some issues I need to resolve before I can truly believe what I had just said.

The week slowly crawled by as we waited for the doctor to give the okay to start weaning him. The nurse walked in the door with a tray. She recorded his vitals in her notebook. Then the doctor entered the room a few minutes later.

“Mr. and Mrs. Mathews, today I am going to remove your son from the ventilator and we will go from there,” the doctor explained.

The doctor moved to the head of Alex’s bed where the monitors and the ventilator were. He proceeded to turn down the dial on the machine until it completely stopped. The he carefully removed the tube. Owen took my hand in his and gave it a quick squeeze so I would know that he was by my side. The faint beeping of the monitor that assured me my son was still alive started to fade in my mind. At that moment my world completely froze as I held my breath praying he would take in a single breath of air.