How could I say that. How could I be that stupid.
I look up at myself in the mirror. My green eyes seem dark and vacant. I blink and look back down, breathing out.
Why did I admit that?
Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.
What scares me is that it came so naturally. I didn't plan on saying it, or even think before saying it.
Although, it's true.
And part of me wants to scream "I love Castiel Novak" at the top of my lungs but another part wants to bury it, keep it furtive.
My hands are shaky. Why am I freaking out about this? I push myself away from the counter and turn to the door, going to the bed, which I will lay in for hours.
I stand at Castiel's door and grab my phone out of my pocket.
Me: Can I knock?
It takes him five minutes to reply, which felt like forever so I just sit criss cross applesauce on the concrete in front of his door.
Cas 🐻: I don't know, can you?
Me: May I?
Cas 🐻: You may.
Me: You're an ass.
Cas 🐻: I wasn't aware people could strictly be one part of the human body.
Me: I wasn't talking about a human ass. You're a raccoons ass.
Cas 🐻: Nice to know you think of raccoon's asses regularly.
Me: Fuck you.
I then knock on the door. It then takes him three minutes to open the door.
"Yes?" He asks looking down at me.
I wasn't prepared to see him, not like this at least. He is shirtless, his hair is a mess, and his pants are unbutton like he just put them on. I hesitate for a fine moment. "May I come in? Pwease?" I ask, doing the whole puppy dog look.
"I don't know..." He looks straight ahead, pushing his shoulders back so he stands straight. Then I jump onto my feet and grab him by his sides, pushing him into the room all the way onto his bed, like a footballer. He screeches. I put my hand over his mouth. He could easily wriggle out of my grasp, I'm only holding him there by sitting on him. "Shh," I laugh. He just stares up at me with his dazzling blue eyes. Then I let go of him just before it turned into an awkward situation. I roll onto my back and then push off the bed, walking over to shut the door.
"Put some clothes on." I laugh. I had to force myself to say those words.
"Damn. Sorry I don't have the perfect body, geez."
I roll my eyes dramatically. "Shut up. You're body is fine, you insecure teenage girl."
He gasps, which makes me laugh more because he is so dramatic about it.
He grabs his bag and places it on the bed, searching through it for clothes. Once he fines the shirt he wants he starts taking off his pants because apparently Castiel Novak needs to change jeans everyday. So now he is just in his boxer briefs. I try to look at his face. "We're on searching duty today. We have to try to find a lead or whatever."
He puts on a maroon shirt. "Fun. Does your dad have any clue what it is?"
"He has his guesses, I have mine. Nothing legit though."
He finally puts on a pair of black jeans.
"You ready, you raccoon ass?" I ask, leaning on the wall near the door.
"Yes." He smirks and punches me in the shoulder then opens the door, I follow him out.
"What exactly are we looking for?"
"Tracks. Or anything that can lead us to just about what happened that night." I say as we walk through the dead leaves on the forest ground. Cas' hand is in mine, as I guide him with me while he skims the newspaper.
"Well there seems to be nothing in here. Not even a word on what happen- oh never mind."
"What you got?"
"Well actually it's not the same thing. There's just been a kidnapping, or something. They don't know, there's just a girl missing."
I stop moving, making Cas run into me. He blinks at me.
"What is it?"
"Let me see the article."