Amalgamate

Chapter 76

Sitting there in Maitland's powerful embrace with the warm salty breeze coming in from the ocean she felt like she was home, someplace where no one and nothing could hurt her.

Maitland was a man of very few words. He valued quiet think time and so he gave Rowan all she needed. Holding her close he listened to the waves crashing into the shore...wondering what was going on in that little head of hers.

Everything about her surreal life came to a head, "Ian almost broke me."

"Yeah, well, fuck almost. Almost has never counted for shit. You remember that!" He gave her a gentle squeeze.

"I'm tired and hungry. I know I'm a mess, but that shit takes a back seat to the other two. Sorry about that." All she could do was smile at him, because she could smell herself, and it wasn't pleasant.

"Tell you what, you lay here and let me go round something up." He laid her on the sand before quickly scanning the vicinity. There were lights in the distance and wherever there were people, there were provisions. "Where are we by the way?"

"Oh, Aruba. One day, seems like years ago now, I picked up this vacation brochure and decided to talk to a travel agent. Anyways, while I was trapped underground," she shivered at the thought of it "I just kept imagining myself here, and then, when Ian told me Antaine was probably with Declan, I blew. I hadn't been able to get out of that room until then." Her eyes focused on the moon in the sky. It was nearly half full. "Back there, when that room got out of control, when your voice pulled me back from the edge...this is where I needed to go...with you." She closed her eyes and covered her face. She couldn't believe she'd lost it like that. She was so disappointed in herself...attacking both Deisha and Ian. She felt remorse over her actions against them now. At least she wasn't a complete emotional void. She'd been afraid she was losing herself.

Maitland took off his shirt and rolled it into a ball. "Here, put your head on this." He lifted her head gently and slid it under her. Her tears were still falling. "Rowan, please don't do that. It makes me feel..."

When he couldn't find the words, she filled them in,"...gooey inside or something?"

"Something like that, yes. I don't really know what to say, except they understand what's happening with you. Maybe you have made some mistakes...so own them. But, they've made mistakes, too, and they need to own those. First and foremost, they need to start treating you like an adult not a child." He wiped the tears from her cheeks with his calloused fingertips. She flinched beneath his touch. "Sorry, I'm a blue collar kind a guy...rough hands."

"It's not that, Maitland."

"What is it then?" He couldn't look away. She was swimming in a sea of shit and he was gonna throw out the life preserver.

"You just get me. Nobody has ever understood me. Why is that?" She placed her hand over his and pressed it against her cheek.

"I've been alone my whole life Rowan. We're a lot more alike than you know. I get you because I've been in your shoes. We have about the same temperament, too, so I know how you like to be talked to and approached. Even more importantly, I know how you're going to respond because it's usually what I'd do if I were in your shoes." He leaned down and kissed her forehead.

"Never believed in the whole white knight in shining armor fairy tale, but I'm starting to think you might be him." She let her mind go to a place she wished it wouldn't. Why couldn't she have chosen him instead of Tearlach? She couldn't help but think that sometimes you just had to learn to love what was good for you, and he was so much better for her than any of the others. Clearly another one of her poor decisions in a long line of piss poor decisions she'd made along the way.