Before We Were Us ○ Jasper Hale 2

I Really Don't Want To Be Here

I look myself over in the mirror and then outside to see the huge rain drops splashing onto the surface of a man made Earth. It's cloudy and rainy today, the Cullen's should be in school. Why is this an important fact to my day today? Because I have gym. Meaning I have to change into sweatpants. And make nice with the epicenter of Bernadette's lust.
Figuring that getting in a car with Jace would only make my day worse, however harsh that sounds, I grab my umbrella and book it to the bus stop, catching the bus just in time.
Bernadette isn't at her stop so I figured she got a ride with Jace.
Pulling up to the school, I jump out and walk calmly under the security of my umbrella, scrunching my sleeves up to my elbows due to the humidity of the day. I get into the building and close my umbrella, making my way to my locker. I sigh, spin in my combination and hang up my umbrella. Just as I'm taking off my bright red rain coat, I hear the locker next to mine open. I look over and my eyes widen dramatically. Jasper Hale in the flesh.
"I-I didn't know your locker was here." I mutter and he looks to me for a moment before nodding, starting to take his jacket off too, snapping me out of my stupidity. "I haven't had a reason to use it until now." He replies logically and I nod, hanging my coat up and exchanging books. "Good morning, Xanthia." He adds and I feel my heart stop and my face twist as I close my eyes and try to block out Nathan's face.
*Good Morning Xanthia! How's my lovely lady this morning*
I shake the memory from my mind and slam my locker closed, my heart picking up speed as I clench my fists, my brain fighting between a sarcastic response and running away.
"No one calls me by my name." I sneer in the end before walking off with a false confidence, my feet refusing to walk any faster. It's as if my body wants me to suffer through my own pain, well it wouldn't be wrong. I deserve it, I'm the one who did this to myself.
I whip out my phone and quickly shoot a text to Bernadette, asking where she is. I slam straight into someone and without even thinking I shout at them to watch it, my heart still beating at an unhealthy pace.
Turning into homeroom, I slump into my seat and put my head to the desk. Great job, Thea. Not even first period and you've already had a damn panic attack. The hell's wrong with you.
"Hey... You uh... You okay?" I hear an awkward voice and I peak over my arm to see yet another freaking Cullen. Edward Cullen to be exact, the other single one. I sigh, resting my forehead to the desk once again and closing my eyes. "Pretend you pushed someone you love away in the hopes they'd be happier." I start stupidly. "They turn out to be living happily and having the time of their life and your stuck in the past, still wanting to love them. Would that make you pathetic?" I blurt before I could even think about it, a million and one memories of Nathan and I running through my mind. "Yeah." His voice chimes and it all comes to sudden vault and shatters like glass. It was at that point, where I couldn't help but laugh. It starts as a giggle but bursts into a gut laugh, maybe because it's just as loud as the sobs I used to cry and i don't want to do that, not here. I don't want anyone to think I'm too weak.
"Yeah I guess your right." I sigh, smiling a false smile and slouching in my chair, bouncing my leg and clenching my jaw to stop myself from breaking down. I take a deep breath as I swing my bag onto my desk and take out my sketch pad and pencil, my memories morphing and contorting into walls and windows, the bittersweet remanence of everything I felt solidifying into doorknobs and entryways. Here, on the pages in my sketch book, I draw the emotions and the memories in the form of buildings. I draw houses that lock away those memories and emotions. It's easy to imagine it for me, I've grown up locking away everything into my house. Everything about my Dad that's too painful to thin about, the days where my mom got so mad she's beat my brother, the days of anger that melted away into alcohol. I lock away my abandonment, my brother never comes home and the only time I ever see my mother now is if she's blacked out.
I conceal everything in that home, and the minute I step outside, I can be normal, I have a moment of fresh air before the stagnant memories suffocate me once more.
This house, I'll make it one level, with a basement. On the ground level, the door will open into the living room. You walk further in and straight ahead will be the kitchen/dining room. On the right, it'll be the staircase down to the basement with all the bedrooms and the single bathroom. A tiny house. Just like a tiny cell.

~

"Alright Everybody!!!! Pair Up!! It's Soccer Time!!!" Mr. Creedy shouts, blowing his whistle. "Don't we have to stretch?" Some guy shouts and Mr. Creedy agrees, shouting at us for being stupid and not stretching sooner. Rolling my eyes, I look over to Jasper who was already making his way over to me. It was only then did I realize he wore a white button up with light wash jeans and grey shoes.
"How cute, already matching." Megan says in a nasally voice and I clench my jaw glaring over to her.
"Oh look, I think you can make out the genital warts through your spandex." I shoot back and her jaw drops and eyes widen. "You little-!!!" She begins to scream but Creedy blows the whistle.
"Do you two have a history?" Jasper's rumble voice questions and I shoot my head over to meet his gaze.
"Yeah uh-" I clear my throat, stretching out my arms. "She tried sleeping with my ex boyfriend." I say tersely, he looks at me to keep going.
"He didn't, so then she spread around a rumor that I was sleeping around, even got a couple guys to say it happened." I nod and look to him as he stays silent.
"Thank you." I add after a while.
"For what?" He questions.
"For not asking if I did or not." I reply and he nods a little, stretching his legs.
"You don't strike me as a girl who lets someone see what you're about just for a five minute high." He replies and I couldn't help but laugh, nodding. Nothing else needed to be said, and even though he didn't smile or let on what he was feeling, I could see that he was comfortable with me, and for a second, I forgot about Nathan.

~

I check my phone as I walk through the halls to lunch, I haven't seen Bernadette all day so far.
- I slept in, didn't feel like showing up today. Suffer without me.
Great, just great. There's no way in hell I'm sitting with Jace. I just can't do it today. So, walking right past the cafeteria, I saunter into the library, ignoring the "Must Need Pass" sign and walking in like I wasn't suspicious just as the bell rings. I meander through the book shelves and finally pick one I'll read until the period's over and make my way to the back where there's these two, really comfortable chairs. I usually fall asleep in them, that's how good they are. I was just taking off my bag when I look up to see Jasper already sitting in one of them, the one I usually sit in. He looks up from his book and for a while, we just stare at each other.
Tearing my eyes away first, I move to the second chair that seems a whole lot closer to the first chair now. I set my bag down and ignore his eyes on me as I go through my usual routine.
I unroll my sleeves, pulling them down to cover my palms, and I take off my shoes, bringing my feet up onto the chair and sinking into the big comfy chair so that I'm facing Jasper. I bring my book up and exhale, feeling rather lethargic now. I glance up at Jasper and I could see him already looking at me.
"I am sorry if I did anything to offend you this morning." He says soothingly and I sigh, closing the book again and I give him a small smile.
"It's fine. Just... call me Thea."
"Do you not like your name?"
"No, I love my name it's just... a long story that I really don't want to get into with some random guy." I get snippy and defensive. "Some random guy?" Jasper replies, as if amused.
"Yeah, some random guy. I don't know you, other than your name and you're off limits so if you want to talk to someone, I suggest my friend, Bernadette." I spit quickly.
"Why would I-"
"Because she likes you." I smile to him.
"She's liked you since freshman year and despite her personality, she's a great person, and my only friend in this entire town, so, you are off limits."
"Off limits." He repeats and I nod, looking back down at my book.
"Meaning I will never harbor any though of you other than the simple fact that you are my gym partner due to unfavorable circumstances, so just... stop trying to talk to me." I mutter rudely but it was the only thing I could do, I don't want to end up knowing him better than Bernadette because that'll only make her hate me.
"And call me Thea." I add again, glancing up at him but my heart sputters when I see the smile on his face. "I shall call you Thea then." He says softly, respectfully, but his eyes seemed a little sadder than all the other times I looked into them. "Good." I mutter before sticking my nose back into my book but flipping the pages with no real concentration.