Intro

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July 4th, what was support to be a fun day, turned out to be the cause of my current living quarters.

My parents have a house down by Lake Erie, so I was allowed to invite all of my friends for a Forth of July barbecue. Of course, I texted my friends Courtney, Heather, Lola, and Faith to make sure they were coming. They all were available, thank God. I hated family outings or family activities in general.

My parents never really payed much attention to me, as I was the youngest of me and my 17 year old sister, Rebecca. I call her Becca, when we do talk. She was always involved in school activities, from cheerleading to drama club, to student council. I was, and still am, stuck in her shadow.

I was the mistake child. Never was I told that, but it was clear. Becca gets an 99% on a exam, party. I get a 86% on my exam, barely a thumbs up is what I get.

School wasn't the most friendliest place either. Other then Courtney, Heather, Lola, and Faith, I was on my own. I'm not a popular person like Becca, and I'm constantly reminded of that everyday. Not smart as Becca, not as pretty, not as athletic, the list goes on. School was Hell for me. I remember the first time somebody told me to drink bleach.

Some girl was assigned to be my lab partner, and totally let me know that she wasn't up for it. After we got our assignment, I turned to the girl to discuss our project topic.

"Uhm, so, I was thinking about doing something about-" I started to say, but she cut me off.

She rolled her eyes and glared at me, "Listen bitch, I couldn't care less about this project, or your fat ass."

It was a Monday, so I was trying hard to let it slide, "Okay, but it's for half of our-."

"Go drink bleach, cutter." She spat at me, before turning her back to me to talk to her friends.

So I guess that's where it all started for me. That night, I marked my skin for the first time. But I was smart. Iv seen girls with scars where it was obvious to the eye. I wasn't as dumb as everyone thought.

The day of the barbecue, I locked myself in my room until the girls arrived at the lake house. I found my bathing suit and pulled it onto my pale body. Black bottoms and a frilly pink top. Clearly a hand-me-down from Becca. Standing in front of the mirror, I noticed that you could see my scars. Quickly, I throw on a pair or jean shorts and a tank top. Better.

Hearing the doorbell ring, my face lifted as I sped down the hall and up to the front door, greeting my friends. "Get your asses in here!" I giggled as my friends hurried through the wooden door.

"You know," Lola started, "You could have told us to meet you by the lake. Much easier, sense were going there anyway." Sassy. Like always.

Heather slipped off her flip flops and chucked them to the side, "Last one to the lake can kiss my ass!" And off she went. We all chased after her, though it was no use, she did track. Stripping off our clothes, we all grabbed hands and jumped in as one. The cold lake water sent a shock through my body as I swam back to the surface. Breaking it, I look around to see my friends laughing and splashing around. A smile forms my my lips.

"Andi? Are your friends here yet?" My mom yells at me as she walks onto the deck and motions for me to come to her. I nod my head and swim to her as slowly as possible. Climbing the ladder, I watch as my mothers face turns from tan to pale white. Coming onto the deck, I ring my hair and look up to her.

"What?"

"What...what did you do?..." She trails off still looking at me. I'm still puzzled by all of this.

"What did I do?" I ask, starting to get annoyed with the questions.

Suddenly, my mom tightly grabs my arms and shakes my body, "WHAT DID YOU DO?!" By this time, the girls were out of the lake, watching from afar. I was getting worried, so I frantically follow my mothers gaze. It landed on my thighs and stomach.

Oh no.

I quickly try to shake out of my mothers grip, but it was no use. "I'm fine mom, let go." I say quietly.

"You did this to yourself, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU!? You," calling to my wide eyed friends, " leave now!" Slowly, they left me to face my mother alone. Thanks.

When they were out of sight, my mother wasted no time dragging me into the house. "YOUR CRAZY!! YOU MUST BE FUCKING CRAZY!" I was crying, trying to cover myself. "AND YOUR LUCKY AS HELL YOUR FATHER AND SISTER AREN'T HERE RIGHT NOW," on and on she went. I clumsily tried to get up off the floor and make a run for the lake. It was no use. My mother grabbed me by my arm an forcefully dragged me to my room.

"LET GO!!" I shouted until I was throw to the floor inside of my room. Bringing my knees up to my chest, I look to my mother, but all I saw was the white of the door being slammed shut.

"You wanna act like a crazy person, then we'll put you were those kind of people belong,freak!!"

My own mother said that to me.

So here I am at Saint AnnaBelle's Rehabilitation Center and Mental Institution, being forced to write out my feelings in a stupid notebook that my therapist gave me. It's only day one and I hate everything about this damn place. I hate the smell, the egg shell color of the walls, and everything and everybody in it.

Including myself. 

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