Crave

15

I flattened my palms on my green gown and sigh. I can't believe I'm sweating on my palm as I raise my hand to knock on the door and fist my hand instead.

Oh my God.

I can't, I can't.

I shake my head as I turn around and start jogging down when Chris opened the door.

"Jess." He calls my name and I freeze.

"H..hi." I wave as I face him and watch as his brows shot up.

"What ar...."

"Yea, I'm going to take my leave." I turn back once again and this time he shouts.

"Do you want to see me ?." He asks, I sigh and nod my head.

"Yes."

"Okay, Come in." He smiles as he opens the door wider and I smile at him.

I enter his apartment slowly as I bite me lip, I don't know if coming to his house is a good idea or not. I take in the familiar interior of his apartment.

The living room first, then the kitchen which is opposite it, with a narrow hallway which leads to the room.

"You can uhmm...sit here." Chris says as he takes all the toys on the chair and throw them on the floor.

I raise my eyebrow at him and he hurriedly packs all of them out, probably to dump them in another room and I cough lightly to stop my self from laughing at him because of the crown resting proudly on his head.

How did I miss that.

Princess Christian. Such a nice name.

He comes back again to pack his shirt and shoes, and I roll my eyes.

He has always been messy.

"The housekeeper went for her sister's wedding." He tells me and I smile at him to calm his nerves.

I don't know why he's nervous, because I can see his hands shaking slightly.

I'm the one who's suppose to be in that position but I'm surprisingly calm. I think its safe to say we switched roles.

I hear a fit of giggles behind the chair I'm sitting and I stand up to look at the source, I already know about.

I see the babies surrounded by different toys, flapping their hands happily while laughing and clapping.

I smile at them and move closer, just to admire how beautiful they look in their matching pink onesie and white inner top. They are putting on white and black stripes shoe and I wonder if it was Christian who dressed them this way.

They look so cute with their chubby cheeks, I just want to eat them up. I watch the photocopied version of Chris grasp my left leg as she tries to stand and her twin mimics her.

My heart warms as I look at them and I couldn't help it, I picked them up in my arms and they rested their heads in the crook of my neck as I bounce up and down on my feet. I would never regret becoming a pediatrician. I live to help children, I live to love them.

"Oh thank God." Christian says and I see him running his hands through his hair.

I panick as I look at him wondering if he's going to like me carrying his kids.

"Sorrry I...."

"No, no it's okay, I was looking for them I forgot this is one of their hideout spot."

"I think they want to sleep." I tell him while looking at them as Christian move closer to carry them but the twins refused.

"Hazlynn, Hazel, Come on sweetheart." Christian said in a very very soft voice and I smile.

"Sorry mr, they love it here, I've always been a magnets to children."

"Yes, your profession suits you." He grumbles and removed the crown while looking at me.

I clear my throat and looked away, doing all I can to hold my laugh.

"Just laugh." He says with a grown and there I couldn't help it I laughed out.

My shoulders are shaking as I slightly crouch down, princess Christian.

"You look....bea.....beautiful."

"I really miss your laughter." He says and I go silent.

He's resting his hands behind his head on the couch as he closes his eyes.

"They are asleep."

"Thank you, follow me."

He stands up and lead me to their room, then he carried them for my arms and lay them in their bed. After putting the baby monitor on we walked out if the room.

Now things are going to be awkward.

"I miss you."

"Chris don't...." I move back as I shake my head.

"Anna I'm sorry, please forgive me."

"I've forgiven you Chris, I have and I'm still stupidly in love with you but you hurt me so much in the past and now I don't think I can trust you with my heart again." I shout at him and palm my face.

I told him I love him.

Oh God.

I look at him shakily and start to walking away.
Dumb, dumb Jessica. Now he's going to make a fool out of me. What have I done.

"Anna wait." I look back to see he's getting close.

"Oh no just leave me, you are going to mock me anyways."

"Anna I..."

"No don't finish that statement, I know exactly what you are going to say, yes, yes I know you don't love me. You got married anyways, I just came her to tell you that I've forgiven you,
Emily's death wasn't your fault I just can't carry a baby long time, I'm a fucking barren but that pregnancy was a miracle, I'm hurt because I couldn't share my first and last pregnancy with my partner, I'm hurt because my only child was unwanted, I'm hurt because I know I wouldn't experience that again." I shout at him.

"Look Anna, I don't care if you are barren or whatever, I don't care if we ever have to adopt all I care about is how I want to be with you. I want to win your heart again, love you and take fucking good care of you but I couldn't do that in the past without barriers because I've got a past too. I didn't lie to you intentionally Anna, please let me tell you so you can see it wasn't all my fault I needed to protect you." He says and I see his eyes water.

I took a deep breath and nod my head shakily as I look at him.

"I miss you so much, thank you love." He says and hugs me suddenly and I feel relieved like an heavy weight had been lifted off my chest.

I hug him back and snuggle into his chest with tears in my eyes, Chris always know how to make me feel better.

"I love you so much." He kisses my forehead as I look down slowly abounding eye contact with him. My heart is pounding so fast and my cheeks are tingling. My heart squeeze with so much emotion and I couldn't help but hug him tighter.

I miss being loved by him.