When I'm With You

Chapter Two: But I've been hurt and burn before

Over the next couple of weeks Ryan proved to be a great asset and Lexie was glad she'd taken the chance and hired him. He was true to his word and knew what he was doing around the farm and livestock, meaning she was no longer having to juggle all of the farm work around her schoolwork and looking after her siblings. Not only that but Ryan turned out to be great with the kids. James already looked up to him and was eagerly hanging on his every word he said, and he never complained when Casey and Jessica were around and trying to "help".

After stopping to talk to Ryan in his caravan one evening and seeing that his version of a meal consisted of beans on toast, Lexie had insisted that he join them in the house for his meals and soon found he was as fun and easy to talk to even when they weren't working outside.

They'd just finished washing the last of the dishes and moved into the living room. Jessica was in bed and Casey was supposed to be in bed too, but in all likelihood was probably reading under the covers and would do so until she nodded off, and Rose and James were both doing homework.

Lexie sat down in an arm chair and then absentmindly pulled one of Jessica's toys out from down the side and sat it on the floor next to her.

"Have you heard anything more from your grandad since that day I arrived?" asked Ryan, sitting down on the couch.

Lexie looked at him in surprise as up until now they had firmly avoided the topic. "No, nothing," she said with a shake of her head, "and it can stay that way as far as I'm concerned." She worked her fingers together anxiously. "I don't suppose he'll stay away for long though," she sighed.

"What happened?" asked Ryan curiously.

She bit her lip, unsure what to say and where to start. "You'll know by now that when my dad died he left me as legal guardian to the others," she said and waited for him to nod before she continued, "well he thought he was just going to waltz back in here and take control of everything - the farm, the kids, the lot. There was a lot of other stuff that went on though, especially after my mum died..." She trailed off, lost in thought.

"What happened to your mum?" asked Ryan. "You seem to have just about raised the others yourself from what I can gather, even though you must have just been a kid yourself? I'm not prying, I'm just curious."

"It's fine, I'm surprised you've not heard everything by now anyway, since people like to gossip." She picked at a loose thread on the cushion. "My mum died giving birth to Jessica. I was thirteen at the time and dad, well she was his world and he couldn't cope after that. My dad wouldn't have anything to do with Jessica, I think he sort of blamed her for mum's death, so I've practically raised her."

"I'm sorry, that must have been so hard for you."

She nodded at his words. "My grandad, he used to come round for a while and help, but...stuff happened, and then there was an argument with my dad...I'm sorry, I don't want to talk about that," she said.

"Hey, it's fine, like I said I don't mean to pry. I just, I think it's kind of incredible the way that you've done all that; there's not many others who'd have done that at your age."

She swallowed hard. "Thanks...as for dad, well he never got over mum's death and he began drinking and gradually got worse as his depression took hold of him. We tried to get him help, and he went to the doctors, but it never really did much good. Then one day, not long after I turned eighteen he killed himself by jumping off the cliff. At first people thought he'd just been drunk and fallen, but it turned out he was sober for once, so that ruled that out...I think he just couldn't cope any longer."

"I'm sorry, I had no idea you'd gone through so much," murmured Ryan.

Lexie shrugged and blinked away the tears that threatened. She'd cried privately, but never, ever let her tears fall when anyone else could see, preferring to remain strong for her siblings, she had to remain strong for them. "It is what it is. By the end I wasn't even really all that surprised when dad did what he did, he was that broken." But it still hadn't lessened the pain any.

She stood up quickly. "I should go and check on the others and then I might just head to bed," she said.

Ryan stood up too. "Thank you for telling me," he said as she walked past him.

She gave him a weak smile and a nod. "Just turn the lights off when you head out."

A couple of days later Lexie was stacking hay in the barn with Ryan and was thankful that he didn't mention anything else about what they'd talked about. They worked steadily, with only the radio for company until Ryan's phone beeped, signalling a text message.

He stooped working to look at it then swore.

"Is everything ok?" asked Lexie.

He sighed and sat down on a bale. "My wife isn't making it easy for the divorce to go through." He shook his head. "Honestly, we're both done with it, so I don't know why she needs to make things difficult."

"What happened?" asked Lexie. "You lived round here until you were about seventeen didn't you?"

He nodded. "Yeah, but then my dad walked out and left us, so my mum wanted to move back to Truro where her family was. I met a girl when I was twenty and we were young and foolish and stupidly got married. We were ok for a while, but...I don't know, we grew apart it seemed, wanted different things. I was working a lot to put food on the table and also to help out my mum and brother, so I wasn't around much."

"Then what happened?" she asked.

"I walked in one day and found her in bed with my best friend," he said bitterly. "The ultimate betrayal by both of them. And now she has the cheek to want to try and drag the divorce out."

"I can't even begin to imagine how that must have felt," said Lexie.

"Yeah, well now you can see why I just wanted to get away and make a fresh start," he said.

A/N - I know it's been a ridiculously long time since I updated it, but I've been through a hell of a time with family stuff and I lost all interest in writing, then started a new job. But I've decided that 2022 is going to be the year I finish this story (I have most of it written, just not all in order). This is still a rough draft, but I wanted to update to prove to myself I can. Thanks for taking the time to read.