SUNSHINE and DARKNESS

I don't want your pity, I just want somebody near me

word count - 1,497

trigger warning - PTSD, loneliness

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Nico tossed and turned, unable to fall asleep. He sat up with a huff, flicking the light on and filling the room with a soft, warm glow. The shadows scattered, hiding under the furniture and cowering in the face of the light. Nico, bored, swirled his hands around, making the shadows dance around the room to entertain himself. He smiled as a little black fish swam in an ocean of white, then transformed into two swords clashing together in battle.

Nico was soon bored again, dropping his hands and turning the light off. Luckily, the use of his shadow powers had tired him out, and he was able to roll over and finally go to sleep.

It was not pleasant when he did.

Nico was plunged into Tartarus the second he closed his eyes. He almost broke his spine as he landed on the ground, but there was a strange disconnect between Nico's mind and body. Nico felt like he was a spectator as his body got up and kept walking, a defeated expression on his face.

Dream Nico walked through Tartarus, his path strangely empty of monsters. He walked for what felt like hours, Nico's subconscious following along behind, until he finally got to a cave.

A beast emerged. It roared in Dream Nico's face, but Dream Nico just stood there. The creature slammed him to the ground, and Real Nico was violently wrenched into Dream Nico's body. His nerves were on fire and he was certain there was blood trickling out of several wounds on his body as the beast threw him around like a rag doll. Nico was frozen in place, trapped in a useless skeleton-like body that refused to cooperate with him. Nico let out a groan as the monster ceased its assault, retreating back into its cave and leaving Nico to lie helplessly on the ground. The feeling of weakness grew, eating Nico up like fire, worming into the injuries that littered his body like bacteria. If Nico could have screamed, he would have, but instead he lay there, pathetic, until his eyes closed.

Nico's eyes flew open, and he stiffened in bed. His room was bright with sunlight, but Nico couldn't stop trembling. For some reason, the dream had left him more shaken than usual. The feeling of helplessness pervaded his mind, and Nico couldn't help letting out a whimper. If there was one thing Nico hated, it was being helpless.

There were a couple knocks on the door, but Nico was gasping, floundering in a pit of negative emotions. He couldn't answer it, which only served to deepen his weakness. He buried his head in his arms, curling into a ball as tears started to trail down his cheeks.

Someone was whispering to him, taking him into their arms, and Nico could only cry, desperately clinging to whatever remaining pieces of his sanity he'd carefully preserved.

It was an endless cycle. Nico would have these nightmares forever; he would never escape the looming threat of Tartarus hanging over his head. Nico knew it was his fault; he'd done everything to deserve this, but did it have to hurt so much?

Nico hadn't realized he'd been half-sobbing these muddled thoughts, crying into the person's shoulder. They pulled back, and through the tears clouding his vision Nico noticed Will's golden hair and intense blue eyes staring at him.

"Hey, hey," Will said, wiping tears from Nico's cheeks. "None of this is your fault. You deserve so much better, and I'm so sorry this happened to you."

Nico's breathing started to become less laboured as he buried himself in Will again, letting Will hold him together. Nico let one last tear run down his face then pulled back, snatching a tissue from the tissue box and blowing his nose and wiping his face. Will waited patiently, reaching out a hand, which Nico took.