Chapter 17: Mistakes

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We got to Louis' house and out of the car. I've always liked Louis' house. Now El's there. Maybe she can comfort a little with her humor and fun.

"If you want, I can go to Harry's house so you and El can have your privacy." He offered.

"No no Louis. Do whatever comforts you." I said and he opened the front door.

"Diana, honey. What happened?" El said when she saw me. I started crying again. I don't know why but when someone hugs me, it makes me cry more.

"He broke my heart." I said in a low voice.

"Okay. Bye Louis." El said and Louis chuckled but I was too sad to laugh.

"Bye girls." He said and got out of the house again.

"I know how it feels." She said when we sat down on the couch.

"No you don't." I said.

"Then tell me how it feels if it makes you feel better." She said.

"It feels like your chocking. You can't talk, or scream. You can't even breathe. It's like a rock on your chest that weights like 100 tons. It hurts bad. But it was my fault from the start. I shouldn't have imagined all these things and went with my mind to places I shouldn't have gone to. The worst part is that it's not the first time this happens to me but I can't learn. I keep making the same mistake over and over. And the same pain comes back. That's why I didn't want to like someone anymore. But Zayn just entered my heart without knocking. I can't just be friends with him now. It will be like the hardest thing to do. I just can't do it. I'm such a fool. I lost him forever now. I should've just looked at him as a friend and blocked all the things I was thinking." I said sobbing and she didn't try to stop me.

"It's not your fault." She said as I finished.

"Tell him I say sorry." I said.

"It's not your fault." She said again.

"Yes it is. I shouldn't have liked him. I shouldn't have taken things too far when he was just trying to be friendly. I lied to myself. He never liked me. He never will."

"Stop blaming yourself." She said.

"You don't know how it feels like." I said again.

"Of course I do." She said.

"Maybe you did but now you're with Lou. I'm sure he made you forget about any other guy you liked." I said and the doorbell rang. She looked at me. "Don't you want to open it?" I asked. She went and opened the door. I heard Zayn's voice which made me cry realizing how much I loved hearing his voice. Then I heard footsteps coming closer. I hope it isn't him. I don't want him to see me weak and crying. He opened the door. I looked at him for a second then turned around and cried more.

"What's wrong?" He said.

"Nothing." I said and sobbed more and more. He crouched in front of me so he can be my level. I didn't look at him. I can't look at him. He held my chin with one his hands and wiped a tear streaming on my face with the other. I didn't look in his eyes. He wiped another tear. It calmed me down but I don't want to fall for it again.

"Don't." I said.

"Don't what?" He asked.

"Don't touch me." I said and shoved his hand away. I got up and stood on my feet. I felt really weak. Nothing hurts like a broken heart. I put my head in my hands and cried. I hate being like this. He got up too and hugged me. I wanted to hug him back and fall for him again but I can't. I won't. It was extremely hard but I pulled away.

"Can you leave me alone?" I asked.

"W-What?" He asked sounding sad.

"Can you just leave me alone Zayn?" I said. He got out of the room and closed the door fiercely behind him. The door banged. "I'm sorry Zayn." I whispered to myself. I got my phone without thinking. I dialed Jake's number.

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