I Miss You - McLennon AU

5.

24th November, 2019

Three days went by, and all Paul had done was stare at his bedroom walls. He was on bed rest, for the next week or so, until his knee grew better. As for his arm and his leg, well he would just deal with that pain for a few months.

His father was in the process of getting Paul a new phone, but the grievance pay that he had been on for the last month was only three quarters of his usual wage. Money was tight for the small family, but his father insisted on getting him a phone, so that if Paul was ever in danger or anything of the sort again he could call him or be traced. And so until that happened, all Paul had was some magazines and his old 3DS from 2012 for entertainment.

With Jim at work and Mike at school, things were boring. Not that Mike had spoken to him anyway.

Staying on bed rest at John's while he was out was boring too, but at least he could look forward to John coming home and being with him every evening. He knew he would eventually get company back then, but with Jim working until all hours and his brother hating his guts, he was lonely.

No friends... No life... No idea what was happening... Things were really starting to affect Paul.

His DS couldn't take him away from his thoughts for much longer, and every so often he would get flashes of unwanted and anxious thoughts that flew through his brain. Most of his nerves were based around John not being real, and never seeing John again if he was- which he knew he was. And another lot of them were based on how he feared he had messed his father up big time.

The man was mostly out at work, but when he was home, he was just... He was just different. He seemed constantly on edge, and Paul had to be careful what he brought up around him. He had constant mood swings of panic, upset, and happiness, and both Paul and Mike were terribly worried about him.

Jim needed help, but when Paul had tried to tell him that, the older man was having none of it.

"I'm fine... Really I am. Now that you have returned, I am as happy as I have ever been."

Most of Jim's reasons for him being 'fine' were that he was okay now that Paul was back... Or how could he be sad when his son has finally returned. But he was not fine, he was anything but. He was a man on the edge, who worked constantly to distract himself, and was going through a complete breakdown.

Paul hated this... He hated everything. Being trapped in his room and watching his father fall apart, being hated by his own brother, constantly being surrounded by memories of his mother, not knowing if the best three weeks of his life were real or not.

But all the information adds up... It has to be real.

He had gotten anxious again, the feeling of fear rising up through him. He felt sick, so sick.

Everything was falling apart...

He stared at his ceiling, placing his DS on his bedside cabinet, and began taking deep breaths. Paul knew that he could not let this emotion drive him... This guilt, this wonder. He tried to think what he could do to calm himself, but the only thing he could think of was absurd.

He had to leave the house for a little while, he had to find answers.

But he was on bed rest, and without a phone he could not contact his father had tell him where he was going. Even if he did contact his father, there was no way that he would let Paul go. The thought of Paul being anywhere that Jim was not well up on terrified the older man, but staying inside was killing Paul.

Jim would not understand, but Paul needed answers. He needed to visit Mendips, strawberry fields and old John's apartment... He needed to see if all of this was real, or if it was his imagination playing tricks on him. And if he was being fooled, then he would have to find the answer to that.