Remembering Sunday

Remembering Sunday (40,41)

“Please…” I was trying not to panic, but it was hard with all the emotions surging through me.

“First come this way,” he said pulling me toward the kitchen. I let him pull me while listening for any signs of life in the house, but froze as I realized where he was pulling me.

“No,” I said in a breathless whisper.

“Come along, you said this is where it all happened. He’d bring you into his work room,” he kept pulling until I stepped into the small room. The smell of freshly cut wood alone caused every bad childhood memory to come to the forefront of my mind. I’d thought I was over it. I’d thought he wasn’t going to be able to hurt me anymore, but as I felt the air rush out of my lungs I knew it wasn’t true. “He used to have a cot in here. You remember that and a lock on the door.” I felt the panic attack building as he kept talking, telling me things that I already knew. Repeating almost verbatim what I’d said on the stand and in the many interviews I’d had to go through before I could testify. “There’s one thing you never mentioned.”

“What’s that?” I whispered.

“You never said if you screamed. I assume you did…” that got through causing the panic I felt rising to abate. I hadn’t screamed no matter what he’d done to me I never screamed, because if I screamed Tamsen might hear or worse he’d get satisfaction in knowing that he’d hurt me. Even then I knew that sick bastard would have gotten off on my screams as much as the violence of what he was doing.

“If you are done with this little trip down memory lane please tell me where my children are,” I said trying to stand taller than my five foot four inches.

“Don’t just brush this off with sarcasm, like you do everything else. This is important, if we are ever going to get over this. We can have a happy life if you would just face your past and work through it.”

“Been there done that…”

“No you haven’t, you haven’t gotten over it…”

“Just tell me where they are!”

“Is that all you care about, the future parolees that you gave birth too?”

“Say whatever the hell you want about me and Dane but don’t ever say a damn thing about my children you son…” he cut off my words by grabbing the back of my hair.

“Is this what I need to do to get through to you?” he tilted my head back his other arm still wrapped around my waist. His lips slanted over mine as I tried to pull away, but his grip just tightened, holding me in place. I struggled pushing against his chest until finally he pulled back. “I’m sorry,” he said in a husky breathless voice. “I’ve waited so long to taste you, but there’s so much damaged already done.” He buried his face in my neck.

“I know,” I said hoping that my new approach would work. “I know, you are just trying to do what’s best for me, but I can’t concentrate without knowing that Ethan and Evan are okay.”

“I told you they were safe,” I could hear the irritation in his voice. I reached my hand up and rested it against his cheek and he leaned into my touch.

“I trust that you wouldn’t hurt them Sean really I do,” that was only partially the truth. I knew that he wouldn’t hurt them as long as I did what I was told. All his behavior seemed reactionary. “But it would make me feel better to see them,” he looked at me for a moment and I held my breath.

Chapter 41

“Alright,” he sighed.  “This is after all one of the reasons I love you. You care about everyone, even those who don’t deserve it,” he took my hand and pulled me out of the small room and I felt some of the tension leave my body. I’d lived too many nightmares in that room to be comfortable anywhere near it.  He headed toward the living room and I followed close behind him. “Like your father. He should have looked harder for you,” he kept talking, but I stopped listening to what he was saying. Once I had the boys I needed a way to get us out of here and I knew that wasn’t going to be easy.

Finally we started up the stairs and went straight to my old room. A twin running stroller with boys strapped in sat in the center of the room. I started to rush over only to have Sean pull me back. I didn’t even have to really think about what I did next. My foot came down on his instep and my knee came up to connect with his groin. I pushed him over so that he fell, I kicked him once in the face hoping that would keep him there and ran over to the stroller.

After quickly checking to see if they were strapped in, I pushed it past him still lying on the floor and started down the steps. Getting them out of the house was step one, but I had no clue where to run. I couldn’t put them in the small car that I’d driven down and I didn’t have any real connections in this area anymore. Everyone I knew had moved.

I made it down the steps and rushed toward the front door stopping just long enough to unlock it. I could hear him coming, he was running right behind me and I knew it would take him less than half the time it took me to get down the steps. I made it out to the porch and was about to start down the steps when he grabbed me by my hair. He pulled me back and I held onto the stroller so it wouldn’t go down the steps on its own.

“What are you doing!” his nose was bleeding and I could tell that I’d really upset him. Before I could answer his question I heard the sirens and I hoped they were headed for us. “I’m trying to help you so that we can be together and this is how you thank me?” I knew it was coming, but I couldn’t get away from him to avoid it. His hand connected with my face with such force that I crumbled to the ground losing my grip on the stroller.

“No!” I screamed as I watched it start rolling down the steps. Sean reached down and grabbed my shirt, but I was too distracted to care. I reached out to grab it, but my hand fell short as Sean pulled me further away. I tried again to get free, knowing that serious damage could be done if the stroller flipped over, but Sean threw me back onto the ground but I still didn’t care. He straddled my hips and I struggled under him trying to get free.

“You just need time to get used to the idea of you and me. I am determined to make sure that you get that time weather you want to cooperate or not,” his hand came down again smacking me across the face. “I understand your step father’s frustrations now. You are determined to get into your own way.” My arms flailed around uselessly as I tried to defend myself as he continued his assault. I knew it was too late now to save my children, but I still had to try. Then as though my prayers were suddenly answered he was gone and I was being pulled up. I frantically pushed the helping hands away trying to get to the stroller. Dane wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly against his body.

“They are okay,” he said. “I caught the stroller and they are okay.” I looked over to see that they were okay cop cars were parked on the street and their lights lit up the predawn sky. Two officers held Sean as he continued to struggle to get to me.

Dane and I moved to the stroller and I looked down to see two sets of brown eyes looking up at me, both of them were fine. The moment I was sure I collapsed letting all the stress and panic I’d felt earlier take over. I knew Dane held me as I cried, but I couldn’t seem to control myself. I felt shivers start to wrack my body and my teeth started chattering. Dane looked down at me worriedly as I continued to freak out. The paramedics circled us, but Dane wouldn’t let them take me from his arms. I was thankful for that and clung to him as best I could. I couldn’t tell what the other people were saying, but I saw Dane nod and then I felt the sting of a needle going into my arm. Darkness engulfed me.