35 - You Broke Me

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35 - You Broke Me

The white surface shone under the beautiful sunlight. The people around me had sad eyes, all focused on me because I was the one mostly hurt. I was broken and hurt, sad and depressed.

My daughter was sitting peacefully on her grandmothers lap, staring straight ahead on the white coffin that held her mothers body. She had fried but was ran out of tears, I wasn't though. They were close to spill and I'm surprised they're not running yet. I had to be strong for my little princess. How do you tell your 4-year-old daughter why her daddy is crying?

"Um, I have a few words or a lot of words I want to say before we sink Y/N down," I said and almost choked on my own tears. A single one ran down my cheek and landed on the unfolded paper in my hands that held my words.

"Y/N was the love of my life. We were married, we have our beautiful daughter. She was made out of pure love and hope of being together forever but sadly that's not how it's supposed to be. Sadie is all I have left and I'm going to protect her better than I protected Y/N... She's all I have left from her." I sniffled and wiped my cheeks before continuing in a shaky voice.

"I'm speaking of sadness and hurt. When I was met with a police officer on our doorstep, I was confused. He told me she died. He said he was sorry and left again, leaving me to drown in my own grief. I haven't spilled a tear before today and she died five days ago. I had to be strong for Sadie, I had to show her that her daddy was strong and I think I accomplished."

"Something I didn't accomplish as was being a husband to Y/N. I let her go that night and instead of coming back that night, an officer came and told me she was gone and ripped from my hands. I know people move on from things like this all the time but I don't think I'll ever be able to do that. I can't find someone just like Y/N because she was one of a kind."

Y/N, you broke me. I don't think I ever can forgive myself for letting you go that night and I know you didn't mean to hurt me. I know you love me as much as I love you, I know you're listening and I hope you'll feel safer in heaven. You're an angel, I always knew that. I will always love you, forever and we'll be together again soon. We miss you so much and we love you."

I sat down by my mother and picked up Sadie, settling her in my lap where she leaned her small, blonde head on my shoulder. Her big curls and sparkling eyes represented Y/N. They looked like each other except she had a different hair color that none of us had which is weird but adorable at the same time.

"Daddy?" Sadie's small voice whispered. Her eyes were tired and almost closing as she looked up at me.

"Yeah baby?"

"Mommy is a pretty angel." My heart fluttered and broke a little bit more. I pressed a kiss to her forehead and hugged her to my chest.

"Yeah, she really is baby. She really is."

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