Reclamation

4 - Games

The next day I ask Vic if I can work a double shift and he agrees. I guess I better start getting all the hours I can if I'm gonna save up for an apartment.

When nap time rolls around I follow Ella like the zombie I've been all day and curl up beside her on the small blue mat. She hugs me and falls asleep in seconds while I cry silently into her hair. Eventually I fall asleep too. When we wake up there's a big blanket thrown over us.

At lunch time I eat with the kids since we don't have any food at home so this will probably be all I get to eat till tomorrow. At snack time I slip a box of crackers into my backpack so that Ella has something to eat for Dinner.

By six o'clock most of the kids are gone and Vic tells me I can go too. I tell him I'll stay to help clean up. I put in a Barney tape for Ella on the big box television and clean as slowly as I can. Now that it's just me and my thoughts I'm starting to realize that I don't want to go home. It'll be so quiet and lonely now. How can I really move on with my life now that half of my heart has left me? How can Ella grow up without him? Will such a big change negativity affect her?

"Kellin," Vic puts a hand on my shoulder, making me jump. I briefly wonder how long I was staring into the toybox for. "It's eight o'clock, I'm closing up. Do you need a ride home?"

"It's okay we can walk." I say quietly.

He takes the doll from my hands and puts it in the bin. "Is something wrong?"

"No." I squeak, my throat suddenly tight. I look up at his face in the dark room. I didn't notice the lights go off. There's a glow from the street lamps outside and the screen of the tv mounted to the wall. His eyes shine in the light and the curve of his dark lips are accentuated by the shadows on his face. His hair is curling at the ends and his hat makes him look so cute that I want to throw it away so I stop thinking these thoughts about him. What would Trevor think?

I start crying. First just a couple tears that I try to blink away then I'm pushing my face into my knees to hide my slotchy face as I start to sob. Just sob after sob of wet, ugly, boogery tears. Vic brings me some tissues and I quickly blow my nose. The tears keep coming.

"Mommy, what's wrong?" Ella asks.

I take deep breaths until I'm just sniffling. "Nothing." I tell her. My legs are criss cross and she sits down and  sleepily lays in my lap. I wipe my eyes and look at Vic. "Sorry." I say to him quietly.

One of his hands reaches out to hold mine and just the feeling of his warm, rough skin brings me a grounding I didn't know I needed. I lean into him and let him hug me. I savor every touch he gives and every breath he makes against my skin as I try to hold it together again.

"I'll drive you home." He tells me. This time I just nod, I can't carry Ella all the way home again. I'm so tired.

Vic stands and picks her up, waiting for me. I grab my backpack and follow him to his car.

The ride is quiet. I start to worry that Vic will think I'm ackward so I desperately try to think of something to say. What do you say after you cry in front of your boss?

"Listen, Kells." He starts. I try not to blush at the nickname. He rests his hand on my thigh briefly before taking it off to switch gears. "If you need anything just ask. You don't have to- You shouldn't- if you need food you can just ask and I can get you some."

I realize he's talking about my backpack filled with stolen crackers. I look down ashamed and whisper "Okay."

I direct him through one more turn before we're pulling up in front of my apartment. I look at the building wearily,  debating if I should leave the car. Then I noticing someone leaning against the wall by the entrance. I gasp.