I slept on the couch last night in the back. Well, more so I laid there staring at the ceiling. I couldn’t get Danny out of my head.All the memories I had with him replayed in my head the entire night. Silent tears rolled down my cheek. Danny was back, back to haunt me, back to torture my heart.
For years he did. I had given him my heart, my soul my everything. He did the same. I loved him with every ounce of my being, he was my world , my everything. I planed on marring him. We were inseparable. He took me everywhere and showed me the world. I use to question why a rickstar kind of guy like him who could of had any girl in the world, choose a low life girl like me. I was nothing, just some kid trying to make money to survive. I worked with a local band sellingmerch. He had come up to the table and started talking. At the time I was a bitch to him because all I thought about was getting people the merch and taking their money. But he insisted to go out with him after the show, wouldn’t leave till I did. Finally I agreed to go and the rest was history. Danny's band took off and they became huge, along with his drinking habits. I fell into the whole sex, drugs and rock and roll bit with him . Always drinking, doing drugs. Endless nights of being strung out or completely wasted, waking up the next morning and having no memory of any of it. It never bothered me, because I had Danny. He loved me, he fed my every craving and need. It was a sick relationship. But I wanted to marry him.
When he asked me to live with him, I was the happiest girl in the world. But then he left for tour, left me behind. Said that there wasn’t enough room on the bus. So I sat at home like a puppy, just waiting. I use to sit by the phone for hours, constantly checking my txt or emails from him. When he did call or txt it was always a quick Hi, I love you ,miss you, bye. He was always drunk. I became depressed and sick. It began to scare me how sick I was getting. Calling Vicky she took my to the ER. that’s when we found out I was pregnant. At first I was sad then new hope sprung in me, maybe this would bring him home,? he would finally marry me and we could live happily ever after.? Soon that hope turned into fear. Danny came back from tour. He looked at me, I knew he noticed my belly bigger then before. Even joked about it when he was drinking ,saying I put on a few pounds. It hurt. I finally told him one day. That one day I regret saying anything, but I couldn’t take his fat jokes anymore. that’s when everything turned from bad to worst. We fought. It was torcher.
I couldn’t make myself leave, I loved him too much. I took it most of the time, always thinking that he was just drunk. Waited till he was sober. That never happened. The day he kicked me out was the day I watched my heart be ripped out of my chest and stomped on. The hurt full words he yelled in my face, the tears falling from both of us. I died that day. Running to Vicky's house, who at the time was still dating Mike. They took care of me. UntilTrevor was born. He was my world, he brought me out of the dark, mended that whole in my chest. But happiness never last forever. Mike and Vicky broke up, she found him with another girl. Causing Vicky to run away for a bit. Mike couldn’t take care of me,and the baby. He and Vic had a band of their own now and toured, plus he was toren as well.. I would of never let my problems get in the way of their career. Finally it came down to giving him up. I was unfit and could never give Trevor the life he deserved. My depression became bigger, for months I would just lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. My world ended. There was no happiness left. I swore I would never let another man in. Swore I would never hold on to anything that made me happy, no one could make me happy like Trevor. Mike and Vicreturned from tour. They tried their hardest to get me to get up and do things. Slowly it helped but it wasn’t until they got a hold of Trevor's new parents that woke me up. I was allowed to go see him, to spend time with him. We all soon became close friends and I would visit Trevor. I made a new promise that day, I would work my ass off to support us. To give Trevor the life he deserved. When he grew older, he knew who I was. He accepted having two moms. Never asking where his dad was. I grew out of my dark hole and got a job with the company I was with now, Kevin took me in. I would come and bug him daily until he gave in. he was an ass in the beginning but we grew on each other, he knew about my past. He cleaned me up and helped me financially. He watched me on every tour we worked on , let the boys fall for me. Watched me rip their hearts out. Doing to them what I felt,what i had gone through. I had grown to unconsciously hate men. My anger towards Danny, for what he put me through. I was broken, that is until I met Kellin. I was so reserved and held up my wall but he knocked it down. I was in love with him I let him in, even thought of showing him Trevor. Until Danny showed up. My chest hurt, the happiness was gone and the hole in my chest opened up again. My fear of being hurt by kellin grew, I wasn’t having it. I couldn’t go through the pain again, I would end my life.