Hold me close

chapter 1- with you

11 months earlier..

He held me close, arms embraced around my body as he tucked mine into his. His head rested on top of mine, no conversation, just us and the sounds of faint waves hitting the ocean in the distance. I felt butterflies no doubt about it, but I also felt a feeling I've never experienced before. I sensed comfort when Aaron held me, he made me secure, he didn't let go. In that time, all my thoughts disappeared, I was just where I wanted to be. Aaron let go of his grip, and his peaceful eyes investigated mine, there it was, that soft smile, I had to look away. We exchanged our goodnights and parted ways, I thought about that moment for the rest of the night whishing that it never really ended.

The next morning, we were at the beach together. We sat on the sand watching into the horizon as colours started to paint the sky and the sun began to rise. Aaron and I talked about different things. We were getting to know each other. There was conversation of how we both grew up, our aspirations for the near future, and the weather. He had an oddly long witter about the weather, I couldn't say I was paying much attention to the words coming out of his mouth. I couldn't, I was distracted by my own inner thoughts and the way he spoke to me. It was sweet, or did he always talk to people like this?

Months later, we remained in contact, excited for the next time we would see each other at our yearly camping trips. I didn't go there with him specifically, I've been going every year, he has too, it's just this time, we started talking. It wasn't too far from my home, about 4 hours away. I didn't live far from Aaron either, close to 15 minutes. I was obsessed, any attention he gave me, I couldn't help but become more emotionally attached. That there was a mistake that I realised too late. I didn't think I could get hurt by Aaron, even my mother had faith in this one.

Aaron and I finally met up after three months. I missed him, I was eager to meet up with him countless amounts of times, but he always hesitated with the idea. I didn't really understand why. My best friend Dahlia even met up with him before I got the chance, she never really stopped talking to him either, but she promised me there was never any feelings towards him.

I sat with him on the Ferris wheel, my smile glued onto my face, I had felt loved, like I was finally someone's first choice. It was a memorable moment. After that meet up, he talked to me more, Dahlia and I sensing that he might make a move. He did. A week later. Well, it became a little complicated in that time. He first told me that he never wanted to be more than friends, and made me feel degraded, as if I was pushing him and acting fanatical. I experienced about every stage of grief, yes there were times where I had a subconscious thought about the fact that I would get hurt before it would happen, but I ignored those thoughts. Not long after, I was nowhere close being over him, he asked me out.

My second mistake was giving in to his manipulation so quickly. Nor did that last long either, we went back to being friends just less than a day later. Awful humiliation looking back at it, but I learnt from it, telling myself I can do better. The experience was an emotional rollercoaster, his overthinking mentality bounced off to me, and only made me feel worse.