To You and Back

Chapter 17: The Devil I Know

For the first time in their long friendship, they were able to speak with absolute honesty to each other. There were no parts of themselves that had to be kept hidden, no relationships or feelings to mask. It was a confession of the truest kind, not for absolution or forgiveness, but for understanding, and moving forwards. It lifted a weight off both the men, and after hours of purging, it was dawn.

"I think that was the most honest confession I've ever given," Michael said, with a sigh.

Sitting at his kitchen table with the remains of breakfast between them, Peter lifted his coffee to his lips. "That was my second confession in two weeks; I'm squeaky clean."

Michael laughed. "You're certainly closer to heaven right now than I am."

"I take it you haven't told your colleagues about Jane."

"No," Michael said, with another sigh.

"And you're sure about your decision?"

"Yes," Michael said. "But that's not even what I'm worried about." A pause. "Have you heard from Charlie?"

"We spoke on the phone right before you called me."

Michael looked at him, then away, and raised his own coffee mug. "Oh."

Peter leaned forward on the table. "He's not going to cut you out of his life. He's not even mad at you."

"But you're the one he called. Not me."

"Well..."

"Do you know where he is?"

Peter hesitated. "I do."

"What?" Michael asked, taking his hesitation the wrong way and growing alarmed. "Did something happen?"

"No, no," Peter said quickly, holding up a palm. "He's just...taking some time for himself. He'll be back soon, and I'm sure he'll call you when he is."

Michal frowned. "I thought we were being honest with each other."

"It's not my place to tell."

"Didn't stop you before."

"That was different."

Michael sat back, displeased, but there was nothing he could do. He stared into the black swirling liquid and spoke almost to himself. "You two were always closer when it came to...that side of things. He never told me about who he was dating."

"You didn't exactly make it easy to do that."

Michael exhaled forcefully through his nose. "That's what he said."

Peter smiled. His gaze dropped to his own cup. "Can I ask you a question, Michael?"

"Sure."

Peter hesitated. "Would you be okay with it, if Charlie and I...were a couple?"

Michael looked up at him from across the table, and Peter met the blue gaze with uncertainty. There was a long silence, all the while Michael maintaining eye contact. Peter endured the contemplation without squirming.

"I think so," Michael finally said. "Or, in time I could be."

"Really?" Peter asked, sitting up and forward.

"Really."

"You certainly seemed against it when you gave me this," Peter said, turning his head to indicate his bruised left cheek.

"Yeah, I was," Michael said, sipping his coffee. "But then I realized some of my anger was directed at myself; I was the one who kept you around, kept you in Charlie's sight when Charlie was in love with you. How could you—how could we—hurt my brother like that?" Michael shook his head. "All this time I thought I was protecting him. Turns out I didn't know what I was doing."

"You were doing the best you could."

Michael smiled his thanks at his friend. "Doesn't make it right. But," he put the cup to his head and drained it, "getting back to your question, to put your mind at ease: you're my friend, Peter, and you always will be, no matter what happens between you and my brother."

Peter smiled, more touched than he could ever say. He sat back and dropped his gaze to his cup. "Do you think he'll come around?"

"I don't know," Michael said, setting the empty cup back on the table with a thud. "Charlie can be stubborn, and he doesn't always do what's best for himself—case in point, his affair with you."

"Ouch."

"Don't worry, Charlie won't cut you out of his life."

"Now you're just being mean. I was sincere when I said that."

Michael laughed. "I'm just teasing. Charlie will come around. In fact," he added, "I'm kind of rooting for you."

Peter smiled. "Are you?"

"Absolutely. I don't know what random guy Charlie is seeing on the side, but you're the devil I know."

"I'll drink to that." Peter put his cup to his lips and drained it, then the two friends clinked their empty cups and smiled.

**

Michael did not have to wait too long for Charlie. As the morning turned into afternoon his brother called and said he was on his way back into the city, and when Charlie came home he found Michael on his doorstep, looking like a kicked puppy. Before any words were exchanged, they hugged, tightly and for a long time. Hands gripping fall coats, and patting blond hair, the warmth between them more than it had been in years.

"I'm so sorry, little brother," Michael whispered, his voice choked by tears.

Charlie's eyes closed and he buried his face in his brother's shoulder. "Me, too," he said, voice breaking. "Though I blame Peter for most of this."

Michael laughed. "Me, too," he said. "But—" Pulling back from the embrace, he looked at his brother. Both pairs of blue eyes swam with tears. "He's also the reason we have a chance to put things together differently," Michael patted Charlie's cheek and smiled, "so really we owe him thanks."

"Well, I'm never going to say that to him."

Michael laughed again. Arm around his brother, they walked up the steps to the apartment building. After having spent all night with Peter, Michael would now spend all afternoon and most of the evening with Charlie. At the end of it he would be more exhausted than he'd ever been, spent and weary emotionally and mentally.

But he would remember it as the best day of his life. The day he got to know both his brother and his best friend for the second time.