self war-

one .

"youll never be enough"

"you look like a stick"

"pig. eat less"
"how do you eat so much when you look like that?!"

- the words that echoed through my head, every single evening. i was a perfectionist ; somehow i could never be perfect myself.
why am i like this?
what am i doing wrong?
why can't i be pretty? ;
just like all the other girls.

4:48 am

- i couldn't sleep. i just keep staring in the mirror, picking apart my flaws, pulling on my skin in hopes i'll wake up looking different.

5:17 am

6:34 am

- i had to get up. i had school in 2 hours. the darkness around my eyes-
i looked like i hadn't slept in days. i got up, heading to the shower. in the bathroom - the mirror. i started to walk up to it, staring right at myself. " disgusting "
- that was the only thing that came to mind while looking at my reflection. i turn back, stepping into the shower; the hot water hitting my back, leaving a sting, but i didn't care.

6:50 am

- stepping out of the shower, i grabbed my towel that was sat on the floor. i never had the motivation to clean. even the most simple things made me so exhausted.

- i got dressed, grabbed my backpack and left. i put in my earphones, slowly walking to the bus stop. soon enough it arrives, the door opens; i step in.
- reality. - it hit. everyones eyes were on me. people in the back- whispering. i sat down, hoping the day would end quicker.

- arriving at school, i head to class. i sat down immediately, putting my head down to avoid eye contact with anyone. as class starts, the teacher starts handing out last weeks test.

F - 47%

- "speak with me after class, you can't keep going like this. you'll get nowhere in life." those last words crushed me; but was i going to show emotion? no. - i was too numb to feel or show anything.

- after class i rushed out. i didn't want to communicate. what was the point? it all ends the same.