Neon Red [Order The eBook] [Zayn]

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(DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. It's important to remember this is all totally fabricated, embellished, and exaggerated for entertainment purposes.)

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And I have never loved a darker blue

Than the darkness I have known in you, own from you

Hozier – No Better Love

Ingrid Michaelson's "The Way I Am" bopped through my headphones when I got the text a few days later. He'd landed in NYC and couldn't get to me for a day or two because he had tons of filming to do for SNL. I texted him back an angry emoji, to which responded with a turd. I suppose it was best anyway, as G was super prevalent around the house for a few days. She had some downtime and was determined to spend it with me. 

I'd have to break away eventually to spend a few days at my loft where Haz could visit in peace. I'd sent a cleaning crew ahead with Taryn, who also would bring the candles and booze I asked for. She knew what the occasion entailed without me explaining. She and I chose never to text about it, and never to speak of it when we were inside G's place. We could never be sure who was watching or listening anymore.

Yolanda visited unexpectedly and G and I were forced to play ecstatic host and hostess for the afternoon, taking her out for an expensive lunch at a bougee spot called Le Coucou in lower Manhattan. It was a gorgeous place no doubt attuned to the matriarch's fondness of fine dining, with high ceilings, white table cloths, and chandeliers, but a bit fussy and uppity for my taste; and they even had a dress code. 

G and I were grilled the entire time about our careers and plans for the remainder of the year. Yolanda was unhappy I didn't do more to promote my last single, although G defended me and said I had. Yolanda scolded me for letting my anxiety inhibit my progress as a musician and more importantly an entertainer. She said I couldn't be one without the other, so my anxiety had to be bested. She was always on the lookout for holistic treatments for any ailments that surfaced among the family, as she believed modern medicine tended to be more harmful than beneficial. She had apparently helped to treat her own Lyme disease and was keen to force similar treatments on Anwar and Bella who also suffered from the condition. Once she heard about my crippling anxiety, she set her sights on curing it and hadn't let up since. 

She mentioned I should've gotten back onstage by now following my departure from that promotional avenue back in June 2016. To her, I was losing momentum. The hype would wear off eventually if the fans couldn't connect the music with my personality, which she believed could only be facilitated through live interaction. She said she thought I ought to be doing more to overcome my stage fright immediately. I told her I understood, but I was maybe mapping out a different path that would help me achieve my own definition of success and no one else's. Besides, I wasn't really up for discussing my stage issues with anybody at the moment. It was still a touchy subject for me. So once she saw how terse my answers became, she eventually dropped the subject and moved on to talk about Vogue. It seemed all the Hadids ever talked about these days was the potential Vogue cover, which a small part of me hoped would never come to fruition.

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A few days later, I was sat alone on the terrace of my apartment chain-smoking and waiting on the call. Haz was finally done filming for SNL and had a couple of days free before he needed to tend to other matters on the eastern seaboard. He was vague about what they were. He'd invited me to his hotel, but for reasons he couldn't understand, I declined. He said I was a bully for making him shlep his ass all the way across town to see me, but I promised I'd make it worth his while.