Shark Bait [H.S.]

Chapter Six.

Not getting any information frustrated me a lot and I found myself staying up late every night this past week wondering how I was going to get any work done, because it just seemed impossible.

I couldn't see myself getting anywhere, especially with the kind of personality Harry has, and that just made me more irritated. I've poked and prodded with Zayn a bit, but he's still more guarded than I'd like him to be. Harry constantly makes it seem like he's already made his mind up about me and from the way he talks to me I know that whatever he thinks about me isn't good or helpful in any way.

I need to get him to trust me eventually, but how?

For the time being though until I figure all that out, I need to get both feet into Shark Bait as a whole. That means scrounging the place and getting my hands on any vital piece of information that could be useful. That's easier said than done though. It's impossible to do any of that when I'm working there during the day because even though I might be alone at times, Harry is slick. He has eyes everywhere and I seriously can't trust when he'll pop out of nowhere.

It's why I 'accidentally' left my wallet at Shark Bait today after my shift — I need to dig. I still have no idea what kind of operation they run, how extensive it is, or anything of that nature. I'm pretty much still as clueless as I was when Jesse first dropped me off on their steps, almost a month ago now.

I've got nothing. The most I've gotten is the name Pearl Heart but even when I searched it, nothing popped up just like when I searched Harry and Zayn's names. It bothers me that I'm failing at my job, failing Derek, failing myself.

That was one thing I never wanted to do. I have high ambitions and goals I set for myself. I work hard so failure for me was not an option. I won't let myself reach that point, not now, not ever.

I've told Derek everything I've learned so far and to say he's less than impressed is an understatement. He commended me for getting the name of Pearl Heart but that's about it. He's already threatened me once that he'll give the case to someone else who's "more competent and resourceful" if I don't get my act together soon, and I'm terrified that this 'soon' is approaching faster than I know it.

That is literally the last thing I want or need, especially from Derek. He's always been a decent boss but I know he questions my ability to successfully complete half the shit he assigns me to do which just downright annoys me. I know I'm capable of it all and I know that I can handle this case in the best way possible. He just needs to trust me.

I had a breakdown over it with Jesse yesterday, panicking that I was going to lose the one thing I've worked so hard for. I've spent years investigating small petty crimes and I've done my fair share of breaking open minor scandals to get to where I am today, to get to the point of investigating something as big as Shark Bait, so Derek claims.

It doesn't help that I actually like a majority of the people I 'work' with, and I can only pray that they won't be affected by what I'm attempting to do. I also really like Zayn and I just know that once the truth comes out I'll lose him forever. I refuse to let myself think about the shit he could be wrapped up in with Harry, I don't want to face that reality just yet.

The combination of failing at my job and hurting people I was starting to care about had become too much for me.

"I can't let my mother be right," I cried to Jesse, snuggling into my blanket as he cuddled me from behind, "I won't let her be right, J." His hand snuck under my clothing and he thumbed my pumpkin tattoo, brushing over it ever so gently.

Negative thoughts wouldn't stop swirling around in my brain, my own head was my worst demon at that moment and I couldn't find the strength within myself to fight it. I hated feeling like that. Moments like those are few and far between for me but when I feel them, I feel them hard.