Letting Go * Top 10 #SYTYCW15 * (LGBT BxB)

Part Four - Touching

The only problem was I couldn't bring myself to ask Ben about sex for almost a week. It wasn't like it was something we talked about, but Jericho and I had spoken a lot since then, and I hadn't been able to express my inexperience, or the insecurity that followed it.

"Ben, I need your help." I exclaimed, walking out of my room. I looked over at him, making eye contact so I couldn't wuss out. I continued in to the living room and sat on the couch across from him.

"Sure, what's up?" He smiled.

"I need to ask about... uh sex." My voice was quiet, so quiet I wasn't sure he heard me, but I continued anyway. "I haven't kissed anyone in almost 2 years Ben. Last week, with you and the photoshoot... that was the closest to another male I've been since then too."

Ben's eyes narrowed slightly, but the smile stayed. He shrugged and looked down at his laptop. "It's like riding a bicycle Jace, you don't forget how to kiss or have sex."

"Cris... and I, we never... We... I'm still a." I frowned and looked down, the words I needed to say weren't forming like I needed them too, I was too busy trying to hide the redness in my face to think about anything. I took a deep breath and spoke slowly "I was still a minor and we decided to wait to do everything." I couldn't believe I was saying what I was. Ben and I had never talked about our past boyfriends, at least not like this.

"Oh, sorry. I just thought.... Wait, what have you done exactly?" Ben sounded surprised, and the heat in my face intensified. My eyes flicked up and caught Ben's. I shifted uncomfortably in the seat, talking about this was doing strange things to my head. I clenched my jaw and shrugged.

"Kissed and stuff."

"Stuff being?" he whispered.

"Touching. I wanted to do more, but Cris wanted me to wait." I admitted, I'd agreed to it because we were meant to have forever. Only it hadn't worked out like that.

"This guy online... Jericho. Does he know how inexperienced you are?" Ben replied. "Did you tell him?"

"No, why would I? It's hardly a freaking turn on." I mumbled.

Ben's eyebrows lifted once more and a smirk crossed his face. It was like he was in on a joke I'd missed. He walked over to the fridge and pulled out an orange juice. "Why would you think it's not a turn on?"

"Because I'll fumble, I'll be too rough, or too soft." I ran a palm over my face and mumbled beneath my breath. "Or I'll come too fast."

"Jace, you'll be fine." Ben said after chugging half of the juice down in one go. "But don't give it up for just anyone okay? This Jericho guy better be worth it."

He had a point, Jericho and I had only been talking since last week. It was hardly the love affair of the century. Our talks had been hot, but that didn't mean it was love. Far from it. I looked over at Ben and tilted my head. I loved him, in a 'I trust you with my life' sense. Maybe that was what I needed.

"What about you?" I questioned.

"Huh?" He almost dropped the bottle in the sink, the smirk fell from his face, and he looked shocked.

"Teach me."

His eyes burned through mine, and I realized how ridiculous it must have sounded, but Ben had experience and I needed experience. I couldn't go into a new relationship with someone else knowing nothing. Not after everything I'd been through. It was scary enough even considering opening myself up to someone new in the first place.

"Jace, no. I can't." He replied finally after he sculled the rest of the juice back.

"Why?" I knew why, but my curiosity and fear powered me to investigate further.