Broken Mirror- Ranboo angst

<Chapter Eight> Falling... literally...

⚠️ TW: depression, derelization, depersonalization, questioning reality, panic attack, hallucinations, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt ⚠️

Ranboo was looking around his room frantically, eyes darting all over the place.

It was 5 in the morning, so he was trying to keep his volume down on zero.

You aren't real. Nothing is real.

This is all just made up, you're trapped in your mind.

You've lost control.

It was true. He really did feel like that, didn't he? He knew what he was doing (he really didn't but okay, sure) and he could think just about fine, but he didn't feel like he was even in control of his movements.

He just moved around instinctively, looking for something, even he didn't know what.
Was he even looking for something, or just pointlessly running around in a panic?
Who knows at this point...

Anywhere he looked, he saw it.

A simple smiley face looked back at him from every surface he looked at.

He knew somehow that it was Dream's smile. He wasn't sure how he knew, he'd never actually seen Dream, only imagined what he could look like.  He just had that gut feeling. The smile was so eerie, it just made Ranboo more and more scared every time he looked at it.

He looked out of his window, hoping to find some sort of connection with reality. A tree... a car... even just colours.

But all he saw were unfamiliar shapes.
They were the same shapes as always, but they just looked so... different...
The colours seemed off, as if they weren't even colours, just different shades of his imagination.
Fragments of the reality he no longer lived in.

And in every shape the same smiley face formed, and in every colour... even he didn't understand how... but again, he just felt the creepy presence of that Godforsaken smile looking back at him.

He was undoubtedly going crazy, that much was obvious.
He was just too afraid to admit it.

He quickly turned away from the window, but his eyes got caught staring at a strangely shaped stain on his wall.
A smile.

He whipped his head away from it as soon as possible, breathing heavily again.

At that point he entered the bathroom, and looked up into the mirror, only to stifle a scream.
He scrambled to get away from it, to tear his gaze off of his reflection, but his eyes stayed glued to the spot, staring in horror.

Looking back at him from his reflection was his body, but a mask with a smiley face imprinted on it covered his head.

Dream was in control.

Ranboo made up his mind. It was best if he did it before it was too late, before he lost his chance.

Could it be possible, if Dream  really had possessed him, that by ending his own existence, he would end Dream's too?

He crept downstairs, and walked out the front door, straight up forgetting to put shoes on.

It was pouring with rain out here, but why would he bother to put on a coat when all that would happen to it was Ranboo dragging it with him to his demise?

One of his friends could have it, Maybe Tubbo? Perhaps Tommy, he deserved it with how much extra patience he's had with him these past days.

These were the thoughts running through his head as his legs carried him in one particular direction, out of instinct. He'd been here so many times before, just to mull things around by himself, the route had burned into his mind.

But his mind had spiralled into madness by now, so what was guiding him on his way to his inevitable doom?
Dream, of course.

Well. Only partly. Ranboo was guided by the thought that this would finally end his seemingly endless suffering. Perhaps even getting rid of Dream in the process.

He would have felt the cold numbness creeping into his bare feet as he walked in the cold rain, or the fact that he was slowly going to freeze to death anyway if he stayed out here for long enough. There would be no need to jump.
Or the terrible sadness every person felt prior to their actions.
That regret. That regret he expected he would feel at this moment, it would never come.

He was too detached from reality to feel any of that.

 Give it enough time, and the stress of it would kill him anyway.

See? There is no need for anger here.
His death was inevitable, inescapable.
He would die within a month anyway, no matter what he did.

But this was the quickest, most painless option.

Ironic how he was still searching for the painless way out, he couldn't feel it anyways.

None of the pain would be real.

He wasn't real.

In his mind...

Finally, after about 10 minutes, he arrived.

He looked around at the place, the place where he would end it all.

All of his suffering. The pain. The self hate.

A bridge.

Quite a nice one, at that.
Though it did have a history for being a rather popular suicide location.
Just over 53 lives had already ended here, at this very spot.

And Ranboo was just about to become the 54th.

The people who gave up.
The people who couldn't handle the pain (though he no longer felt any), the people who thought death was the brightest door out of the dark room of life.

As he sat down calmly on the side of the rail, he looked down at the slowly trickling water below. He could almost hear  the voices of those 53 lost souls, calling for him invitingly, like a mother calling her child to her side.

The fall was very long, about 100 meters. There was no way he would survive that.

As he looked down at the black surface of the water, he wondered what would happen to Dream when he died, considering if he didn't go down with him. Where would it go? Would it just disappear? 
Would it set off to find it's next victim, someone with a similar fate as Ranboo?

He didn't know, but he didn't need to. Death was right below his very feet, patiently waiting to take him, arms wide and welcoming.

He shifted his seating position on the cold metal railings, and faced the sky above.

The sun was starting to rise at this point, and the rain had stopped. It was truly a beautiful sight.

This would surely be his last time seeing it, so Ranboo made the best of it. He took his time, he had as much of it as he'd possibly need.

But still, he didn't come here to stare at the sunset. He came here to say goodbye. Truly this time.

With a final glance at his surroundings, Ranboo adjusted his grip on the railing, and leaned back into death's welcoming grasp...

Just as he was expecting to fall backwards, spreading his arms wide, he closed his eyes. But the fall never came.

Was he... dead...?

He slowly opened his eyes to see for himself, hopeful.

But all he saw was the blurry face of a man wearing some weird white clothing, with a firm grasp on his shoulders, preventing him from falling.

Of course, Ranboo panicked. But he also felt just the tiniest pang of disappointment.

Who was this man...?

~•~•~•~•~

October 24, 2021