(AMIGOS I CHANGE HAYLEY'S NAME TO 'HAYLEY ARTEMIS IVANI' BECAUSE I LOVE IT OKAY? OKAY. ALRIGHT I SHOULD MENTALLY STOP THIS YELL-TEXT THINGY WHATEVER.)
Hoooo some shit is about to go down. That guy hit me on the head! No one is allowed to hit me on the head except for...um me.
I try to open my eyes but I can't even move and my ass is freezing, and I'm cold, and I'm hungry, and I'm tired, and I'm worried and I also have to go to the bathroom!
I hear someone talking but it sounds all disoriented.
I mentally gasp. THIS FISH BETTER NOT HAVE DRUGGED ME OR I SWEAR TO THE LLAMA KINGDOM HELL WILL BREAK LOOSE AND I WILL CUT OFF THEIR INTESTINES AND FEED IT TO THE FIREBIRDS.
"Dr. She's stirring," I hear some human say.
"Hmm that's good," That voice. That creepy ass voice sends chills down my spine.
"Dear now Hayley, fighting is useless, you have no idea where you are and you're completely and utterly-"
"-Gonna kick your ass? Yes." I said feeling my voice coming back.
"Defenseless," he said.
With another try I successfully manage to open my eyes slowly.
My eyesight adjusts to the dark, disgusting looking room and then I just meet a pair of hideous green eyes staring at me.
"EWWW! Your eye colour is vomit green! Gross." I say out loud by accident.
Seriously Hayley? Someone is about to rape you and that is the first thing that comes to your mind? Where is that brochure you lost for the mental asylum? Sign up gurl!
The guy didn't know how to reply to that I guess so he just ignored me.
"What do you want from me!?" I yell in his face trying to pull his eyeballs out because they are just so hideous that the word hideous is probably a compliment to it but I couldn't reach the fucking leech because I was tied up and bounded in thick rope.
"Oh no Hayley, it's not what I want from you, it's what I want from your rich popstar friends." The leech said.
"I'm being held for ransom for 10 billion pounds and you want it from the One Direction boys because they're rich and you're evil but broke and shit right?" I asked bluntly giving him a cute heart-striking glare as well.
"H-how did you kn-"
"Your minions can't whisper silently at all and by the way they love to gossip about stuff. Really interesting stuff and man you should really-"
"ENOUGH! Kirchuk, Michaelangelo, stay here and keep an eye on this twit. The rest come with me I have some missions for you," the leech said.
"WAIT! WHO ARE YOU?"
"Dear why would I ever tell you that now hm?" The leech said leaving the room with his minions. Bitch.
Oh hey look a bitch! Such a cute but very loud dog though.
I try to strain my neck to catch maybe a tiny glimpse of the asshole who kidnapped me but I couldn't turn my head 180° now could I? I'm not Regan from The Exorcist. Heyyyy that's giving me an idea...
I turn back round to my previous position and see Kirchuk and Michaelangelo I'm guessing watching TV.
I decided to do what I do best. Annoy people.
"I've had it with you! Shut up or I'll shut you up!"
Okay so during the past hour I was annoying Michaelangelo by talking about his name and referring it to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Don't Touch My Food Bish (A One Direction Humor Fanfiction)Fanfiction
"And he took MY food and ATE it. That was when Pocahontas's dad and I sounded the drums of war." ..... Hayley Artemis Ivani doesn't give a belly dancing shit about what other people think of her most of the time and is an oreo-and-nutella-loving reb...