𝗦𝗜𝗗𝗘 𝗦𝗖𝗘𝗡𝗘 ⨾ vernon

06 | 𝗵𝗮𝗻𝘀𝗼𝗹

I suppose becoming crazy is an after-effect of The Great Break Up Syndrome? If this is how you become after you separate from your significant other, I never want to break up. Well, binding up is tough in the first place, breaking up seems like an astronomical unit away. A whole unit.

It looks like Yeonhee Kim, alongside being the most popular girl at school, is brainlessly obsessive and quite ruefully neurotic. I don't know what to label her with, but she did pass to scare the shit out of me.

I think Sanghee from last might (yes, might) almost peed her pants. She was scared and quivering like she got electrocuted even before we met Crazy Yeonhee. And even though it sounds impossible, I looked up electrocuted in Korean before saying it. She's always shocked at my Korean. I made sure I don't make any mistakes this time. But, oh. Looks like I gotta speak to her every time with that bowled over expression of hers.

I don't expect normal in my life anymore, everything is at the edge of a space launch.

I wonder what Wonwoo is doing right now. Is he hung-over? Sleeping? Crying?

Why the hell did they break up anyway? It's not even like it was out that they dating or anything.

As much as I am invisible, every else is not, and for a fact, after you lose your people, you try finding other people to fill up that void. Successfully, my social skills betrayed me for that. I could not bond with more than two people. But gossip is gossip and I have ears. From where I am sitting, I can hear everything.

"Sanghee is getting in trouble again," a girl in front of me whispers to her seat-mate and both of them start giggling. Eavesdropping is not my hobby, if you ever wonder. "Like assaulting Yeonhee's rights weren't enough. I think she's cracked up from the head like her father. Crazy bitch."

Like her father? What's the deal with that?

"You think she'll stay quiet after her friend dated her cousin behind her back? Sanghee is so obsessive," the seat-mate says.

Woah, the dynamics.

And, it wasn't all that secret about Wonwoo and Yeonhee, I assume. Maybe I do need to bond with people to know some gossip. Timely gossip prevents large mishaps.

I could easily commence it all with these girls and stop them from getting the wrong scene. But when I start calling them, my voice stays shut. I can't fucking speak.

Suddenly time runs fast forward and now it's lunch and I'm standing outside the class with Seungkwan.

What the fuck?

"I'm heartbroken." Seungkwan's dramatic voice barely sounds real and he doesn't look like he's joking.

It's not funny.

"Me too, I just hope Wonwoo contacts us soon. I texted him. He... hasn't replied yet," I say in Perfect Korean. And when did I contact him? What am I saying? Am I not myself with Seungkwan too now?

"You, Hansol, are my best friend. I don't need no one no more. C'mere mah bestie. Gimme a hug." Seungkwan crushes my ribs with his and holds me tight. I give out a cry and curse myself for doing that. I would never leave dramatic cries like this.

Music plays from somewhere and it's... I Am Adolpho? What the heck is going on? Can someone help?

Seungkwan pulls away and we look at each other with such a sad face, even the parrots would get depressed, but the music in the background completely outdoes the sadness and makes the whole situation look funny. I want to laugh at Seungkwan and this ridiculously wacky music but all I do is the dramatic cry.

Moments later, the music stops and Seungkwan's expression goes relaxed. He looks out the corridor balcony to the playground down and says nothing. I say nothing too because I'm literally speechless.

⿻

"Verrrrrnnoooooooonnn." No. God, if you exist, please keep Darren Jisol Chwe away from me.

He's on his rounds around the house. Jisol is a fucking ghost. He likes to call me by Vernon and he knows I don't like it. He literally appears behind you whenever you aren't looking out for him. He's dangerously sneaky and has a habit of scaring people. Don't go after him for his looks, he's not that worth it. The girls who dated him back in the states always used to tell me Your brother is a psycho. Ask him to be polite at least. after they broke up with huge fights and smudged mascaras.

I hang my bag behind the door as I close it quickly after getting in my room. I tiptoed from the front door to my room just in case Jisol found out. I don't want a scene with him right now. Maybe never. I still have to get back Mommory from him. But right now, I need to get to the insides of what's happening at school.

I slip out of my uniform, shower myself up, get dressed and sit on my study desk.

It's just a plain wooden desk The Birthgiver got at craigslist. It's second handed so it has these cracks at the edges and the surface is worn off. It's just fine, it's not like I study all that much to care about my room to look perfect.

There's a camera kept beside my water bottle on the desk and there's no battery inside it. I lost my battery while moving back to Korea and haven't thought about buying another one for a whole year. Thinking about photography mostly gives me painful flashbacks that I can't ignore without spending the night awake. Well, I don't sleep anyway, but it's all too vivid for me with the images.

The Birthgiver likes to hang pictures of Mom and us on the walls, but I don't look at them. There are plenty of Memories around the house about Mom, but there's only one Mommory. I don't need anything else about her, just her necklace is enough. And granted, I don't have it anymore.

My desktop sits beside the table lamp looking all 2010s with a heated up butt. It usually needs some smacking before it runs smooth.

I turn it on and go to Google, The Master Of Worldly Knowledge.

I type, Can you experience psychosis at your school and hear music while you cry without your will?

No results found, the screen says.

I type, Can a girl and you both experience peculiarities at your school about the dynamic behaviour of your classmates?

A result says You're probably in love.

I type again, What is with this world?

A result says, Honestly, same question.

I heave out a sigh and lean on my chair. Google isn't The Master of Worldly Knowledge, as I thought before. I've thought about so many things before, but nothing seems true anymore. I feel like I'm in a fantasy novel where you can literally teleport in time. And it's weird that it felt so natural yet crazy. It's like it has always been happening to me but today was the first time I ever looked around it and realised how bizarre it all is. The way I spoke what I didn't want to. The way everyone changed their personas after a click of sound somewhere in the air.

The only person who seemed to notice it with me was Sanghee.

She's been making so many appearances in my life, I wonder what it all is about.

I think about her Kakao. I have her number since at one time we all exchanged our numbers in class and I had to give everyone my number and they have to give theirs to me. It's a whole different story of how they completely forgot about me the next day.

I stare at my phone on my desk and fold my arms. Thinking about texting someone and actually doing it has thousand levels of difference. I swallow and bite my lip.

I want answers and I can get them from, maybe not Google, but her.

I open up a KakaoTalk window on my outdated cellphone and search for her chat. As expected, it sits untouched, unseen, unknown.

Her profile picture is a meme cat. How can someone hate her?