Just Fine

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When I'm here it's just me. Me and the caress of the wetness around me. Down here my thoughts are unknown and my screams are carried away by the current. My secrets are safe here. I am safe here.


I woke up to the sound of my name being called. Then chuckles. I didn't raise my head until my name was called the third time and I prop it up in the palm of my hand with my eyes still closed.

"Ms. Hunter now, I know you have been busy with swim team and all. Yes, I see how hard you work. But can you save some of that energy and hard work for class? I don't want to tell coach Sable that her star fishy is a rotting fishy in my classroom." Mr. Turnney pleaded. He wasn't a horrible teacher. Not the best but he did his job well. It's the subject matter that had me counting sheep.

"Alright Mr. Turnney I'll work harder on not falling asleep in your classroom. I'll put my all into not letting Poe and the greats put me to sleep." the class chuckled again. I still had my eyes closed but I could see Mr. Turnney's pale white face turn bluish purple. He should learn to breathe.

"That's just fine Ms. Hunter. I'll make it even easier for you. Get out. Now."

I opened my eyes. His arm was raised exposing the sweat marks from his underarms. His finger shook toward the door.


"Yes. Really."

I sat up not really knowing how I felt. I knew I had fucked up this time. I grabbed the poetry book I was using as a pillow and threw it in my bag. I got up and moved towards the door through the thick silence. They knew I had fucked up too.


Instead of going to the office like I was suppose to, I left school. I walked to the parking lot to my truck. It's a '83 Jeep Cheeroke. Sun faded sky blue and wood grain to match. I begged my dad to buy it for me. It spoke to me. I got in and threw my bag in the passenger seat then turned the ignition. The key had broken off inside years ago. I often wondered how. The engine roared to life and I reved it making smoke jump out of the exhaust. Cum'on boy, let's go.

I drove. I didn't know where I was driving to. Just driving. I caught a glimps of me in the rear view mirror. You're a mess girl I thought. What was I doing? The biggest swim meet of my life was in less than two months and I'm getting kicked out of class and skipping school? Coach is going to kill me. But I kept driving. It wasn't until the smell of salt filled my nostrils that I knew where I was driving to.

I pulled into the gravel lot and killed the engine. I let the smell of salt carry me like the sent of a suductress. When I reached the sand I kicked off my flip flops and stripped down to my bra and underwear leaving a trail of clothes behind me. The sand felt so light and warm under my feet, just like the sun on my face. I walked slowly into the ocean and stopped waist deep and wadded in the coolness. I caressed the water with the palm of my hands barely touching it. Back and forth. It was like this everytime I entered a pool or a large body of water. I felt so in sync with it. I understood it. And it understood me.

I kicked off the ocean floor and swam further out. The water felt so nice against my skin. I swam until my truck looked like a little toy car. The vast bluish green around me was breath taking. I took one final look at my truck and dove under. I swam as deep into the blue as I could. My ears began to pop and I stopped. I could could only hear the whisper of the water and my heart in my ears. It was only me and the ocean. Then I screamed. A air bubble rose from my mouth and I watched it float to the surface. I chased after it, afraid it would release my agony. We broke through the surface but the only sounds were me gasping for air.

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