I'm Still Here

Ch. 14

Feeling sorry for yourself is really draining. I'm not used to it. Some teenagers have the whole sullen, woe is me thing down pat, but I've always liked to look at the bright side of things. Even when in a coma for weeks, I thought "oh yeah, no problem, I'll just wake up in time for prom and graduation."

Now I've seen Maryann move on and that was really upsetting and earth shattering. She was only in her early 20s. She deserved to live a full and long life. And if she can move on to heaven, then what guarantee is there for me to wake up?

I must have been in quite the mood because Sera was even trying to pull me out of it. And if I'm in a more pessimistic mood than her, that's saying something.

"Your friends are on their way up. Maybe they'll cheer you up. Grant will say something stupid or Annabelle and Hudson will argue about something and will make you laugh."

"Yeah, maybe." I stared out the window at the rain clouds rolling in. The stormy weather perfectly represented how I felt inside. Grey, sad, unstable.

Grant, Belle, and Hudson were accompanied by Finn and Kyra today. They came in, their shoes squeaking from the rain outside. Their hair drenched and arms slick with rain.

Belle wiped under her eyes to tidy up any mascara or eyeliner that may have run. "God I hate the rain. Look at my hair," she complained as she tried to fix her hair that she had spent time straightening this morning.

"It's just rain," Hudson tossed a roll of paper towels to her.

Everyone dried off, the girls wrung out their hair in the towels, and then settled into chairs around the room.

It was the bleakest the room had been since I first got admitted to the hospital. It might've just been in my own head with my mood or the gloomy weather but it just felt sad in there. I think everyone felt it because no one was speaking. It was like a weight blanketed the entire room.

"So...I can't believe that prom is coming up so soon," Kyra said to break the silence and perhaps lighten the mood with thoughts of dressing up and a party.

"I know, I have so much I need to do. I thought Caitlin would be here to do it all with me," Annabelle replied.

"She could still wake up in time to do all the prom stuff with you," Finn said optimistically.

Kyra nodded as she took Finn's hand. "That's true. It's totally possible."

I looked at their clasped hands and felt a flicker of something other than my self-wallowing. I guess they had become a couple or at least something since that night at the restaurant. That's nice for them. They make a cute couple and Kyra seems really nice.

Sera noticed that I had given the tiniest smile when I looked at their hands and seized the opportunity to pull me out of my funk.

"Cute couple," she nodded towards Finn and Kyra.

"Yeah," I rolled my eyes.

"So maybe things aren't all so doom and gloom?" She elbowed me.

"You mean, maybe we aren't just all put on this earth to suffer and then die?" I said to her dryly.

"Something like that. Look at your friends. They're proof that there are some fun and happy things to still look forward to."

"I don't think that's going to happen. She won't wake up in time for prom. If she wakes up at all," Grant said, elbows resting on his knees.

"Except for that jerk. Seriously, Caitlin, he kind of sucks," Sera said to me.

"Don't talk like that," Kyra admonished him.