Once in a lifetime.

7

January

Juliet

His head is in my lap as he sobs defeated, his hand is still lingering on my stomach. I'm at a loss for words because I don't understand. My tears spill out of my eyes, and his gasps for breath are heart-wrenching. This is what I wanted, what I thought I needed from him. I thought I needed to know that he was just as hurt as I was. That I wasn't the only one who realized what we lost.

At this moment I don't feel so alone anymore. I stand and take his hand, leading him to the couch where we lay down, him in my arms this time. I want to hold him as he held me last night. He was being vulnerable with me like I was with him. His head is laying on my collarbone. I push my hand through his hair, feeling the soft strands glide over and through and around my fingers.

I don't know if I've ever seen his hair without product, it lays flat on his head but I like it. Every time his body gasps for air it feels as if someone is slowly spinning a knife into my heart, careful not to let it bleed, but still intending full pain.

"I'm so sorry." He repeats it over and over, mournfully, sounding miserable, maybe even more hurt than I am at this moment. He smells like Irish springs, and I inhale slowly taking the smell in trying to take in this moment. I have to remember everything, for when he leaves again.

'No, he said he would stay,'

A part of me says, and the other laughs and says

'He leaves and he will never stop leaving you'.

I hold him closer to me trying to ignore the thoughts in my head. I want them all to go away, everyone, I just want to focus on what I feel right now at this moment. I put my nose close to his hair, I inhale as much of Dalton as I can.

When his breaths slow just a bit I open my mouth slowly to speak. "I want to be with you Dalton, for as long as I can."

His hands move slowly around my waist, I slide down to lay eye to eye with him. I feel the atmosphere in the room change when I look at him. His eyes are blue and puffy, and it reminds me that this is the first time I have ever seen him cry.

Blue blue blue. What shade of blue? Like the sky, the ocean? How would I describe them? Oh, I love his eyes. I need to focus on that so I can do what I slid down to do. I need to remember this Dalton, not the one who left me alone with his baby. This one, the one that cried in my lap and my arms, and the one who came back. I can't believe he came back to me. Back to me, and the baby. The dead baby, I push that away.

Maybe this is how it's supposed to be, maybe that is the deal, I lose the baby so I can have Dalton. I trace his bottom lip with my thumb and then his cheek, I move my thumb to the bridge of his nose, following it up to his eyebrow, tracing the slight arch. Moving to his temple and down to his ear, then across his jawline. His eyes are closed and his mouth is slightly parted. "Juliet" He breathes.

Ugh, just the way his voice makes my name sound. "Shh," I hum trying not to jump on his man and give him all of me again.

"Meet my family?" His eyes became slits, "I love you and I want you to meet my family." I don't know how to feel. His family? That is a step that we missed when he asked me to marry him, he had met mine but only because of the circumstances. Now laying here on the cold couch with the electricity jumping between us there was only one thing I could say.

I nodded. I don't know why, but I did, and before I regretted my choice I smiled.

"When?"

"As soon as you'll allow."