Silent Cries H.S {AU}

Chapter 39

"Sometimes, I lay in bed at night and think of you and all the things I want to do with you."

                                        -Unknown.

   

I was in Kellie's room, slowly packing up and cleaning out her life. Step-ugly was moving out soon, and Alex was coming to live with my mum, the poor boy being horribly depressed about Kellie's death, almost as bad as me.

Thankfully, her mum was going to jail for the rest of her life, since the case we'd built up was no doubt going to win.

Most of the room was packed. Her closet, her bed, the only thing left in the room was a puny nightstand. I walked over to it, squatting in front of it as I looked at the dark oak with a heavy heart. There was different colors of chipped paint covering it, from Kellie getting tired of whatever color she'd spray painted it, and working to clean it away, just to cover it in a different one.

I rested my forehead against the little thing and sighed, even it was ingrained with her scent. I sighed and took a deep breath, opening the top drawer to remove anything breakable. It was empty, along with the next one, but the final one had one single thing in it, a letter with my name written in Kellie's semi-cursive handwriting.

I opened the letter and a folded paper fell out. With great hesitance I opened it and felt my heart crumble. It was a letter.

   

My dearest lover Harry,

If you are reading this, then I either took my life, you've stumbled across it by accident, or I have died in some way. I only hope it's the second option.

If it is not, then I hope your lovely heart isn't too broken, for I love you too much to know that I have hurt you. You are my world, and I know that you always will be. You are my moon against stars. I never thought that I would feel complete, especially since boys like you don't fall in love with sad girls like me. But somehow you did, and as selfish as it may be, I'm glad it was me. You've changed my world more than I could ever imagine, and I can't thank you enough.

I remember the first time I laid eyes on you. I was starving, pissed, and annoyed to be in this shithole. Taco Bell was my first choice for obvious reasons, and I was in line behind some indecisive fucker, waiting impatiently might I say. Then I looked up, and saw this lovely man, fuck, I thought I was seeing Cupid. The man with these lovely spring green eyes, lit a fire within me, and I felt every nerve within me come alive. Then the curly haired angel was blocked by some blonde bitch and I wanted nothing more than to chop her fucking head off for blocking my view of such a godly being. My only thought was "He's cute, but reeks of romance and good intentions.", I wasn't wrong.

"So when tomorrow starts without me, don't think we're far apart, for every time you think of me, I'm right here in your heart."  -David M. Romano.

By now you're probably tired of my obsession with poems, but they speak to me, darling. And I believe I influenced you. I did receive a few lovely poems on paper from you, my love. Of course they were from poets, but I don't know if you were all that good at poems in the first place. You never let me fucking read them, you dick.

Oh sit, I just insulted you in a goodbye letter, and it's in pen... Oops?

I remember that before I met you, I wanted to just disappear. And so many times when I was with you, I wanted to whisper "Let's just just walk away from this hellish nightmare of a life, pack a bag and run away", but I knew you couldn't leave Anne, and hell, I don't think I could either. Your mom is a saint of a woman, and I loved her like my own mother. I remember, telling you I didn't want to be alone anymore, but I didn't realize that I wasn't. Whenever I was with you, there was no such thing as alone, because you would never allow me to be on my own ever again.

I remember the first time you promised me forever, and I thought that forever only lasted until you decided you wanted someone else more. But you didn't do that, did you? And I remember Randi telling me that it was in my nature to destroy everything I touch... I didn't destroy you... In fact, you fixed me, a feat I thought to be impossible. I remember feeling like I was far away from the world, but you'd always reach out and pull me back from the cold dark depths of space. I will always care for you, do you know that? Even if we're not together. Even if we're far, far away from each other. Even if one of us is dead, I will love you more than the world has ever seen.

Do you remember when you asked to count my scars? Probably not, it was such a normal day, filled with cuddles and kisses, the same as any other. But I remember. I remember asking you why. And I remember the sincerity in your eyes as you told me you wanted to see how many times I'd needed you, and you weren't there. I remember swallowing the lump in my throat and batting away the tears in my eyes as you counted, kissing every scar with such intense feeling that I thought they might burst back open from how hard it made my heart beat.

You made me feel like the luckiest person in the world. You were just my one perfect person, whose hand fit perfectly with mine, like puzzle pieces. Before you, I was drowning, and your kind heart saw and dove into my mind, dragging me above the thick dark waves, saving me from the demons within me.

But even after this letter... If all else fails, I give you permission to throw out the letters, the pictures, and distort our memories. But just remember, that whether or not I'm alive, whether or not I can be seen, or heard, or felt, or cannot... I am always by your side, holding your hand as tightly as you held me after my night terrors. This paragraph was inspired by my dear James Andrew Crosby.

And whether I made it or not, I consider myself Mrs. Kellie Louise Styles.

Until I am back in your arms, my once in a millennia lover, I love you until then end of time.

                                 -Kellie

I hugged the pages of her handwriting close to my heart and curled around it protectively. And in that moment, I swear I felt her head rest on my shoulder, and a draft of her lovely perfume filled the room. And for the first time in 4 days, I felt as complete as I ever would again.