Chapter 3: Yeah, you go ahead and call yourself a mother.
I was on edge for the entire time I was at my dad’s house. Hey, it’s not that I don’t love my dad, I do, really, but just the slightest thing could push him off the edge. It’s like trying to tiptoe around a bomb... and that’s on good days... I love my dad...
“Yes dad?” this wasn’t going to be good. Just feel it in my bones.
“Come and sit down here.” I could tell that this wasn’t going to be good. I could already hear the tiredness and anger and disappointment in his tone. And I am a disappointment. I moved over to the garden bench. My dad didn’t believe in being idol, so chilling out and reading a book for an entire day is to him screaming out that you have nothing to do, and that you’re a slacker. So what am I doing? Manual labour. Clearing away brambles and digging holes to get roots out. I know, fun right? I sat down, I knew what this was about, hey, I'm not dumb.
“you’re mum just called me.” Oh yeah, put on the curious face. Bless, my mum, she’s such a bitch... I knew what this was about completely.
“yes dad? What did she say?”
He looked straight into my eyes. “how could you do this to me again? I thought we were over this but it seems that I still can’t trust you.” He took a deep breath, “I hear that mum had to pay for your bus pass since you spent the money I gave you.” ...cue guilty look... look down at shoes. “I hear that you made her promise not to tell me, how could you Natalie?”
“I’m sorry dad” I whispered quietly. Do you know how I know he’s disappointed? He’s not shouting.
“you said it was enough so how can you spend a hundred and eighty pounds?”
I looked up at him, “well it wasn’t enough because I had to pay for the bus to get there first and the Matt said that he was getting paid so he would give me the rest, and then there was no food in the house, and then I had to pay the water bill and then Matt didn’t have any money to get to work and then he didn’t get paid, so...” I faded out and grew quiet. I was pretty sure it was a good idea to leave out the fact that Matt had kept on complaining that he had no new games to play and took the money to buy Red Dead Redemption. I was never going to see that money again.
“so why couldn’t you tell me?” I looked down at my shoes, fuck sake hurry up and get this over with.
“Well,” I started, looking up at him sitting across from me, “I knew how disappointed you’d be and I thought that Matt would get the money in time and he didn’t and I trusted him to give it back.”
The look of disappointment was just crushing me. My inner child was yearning to break free and tell him to sod off.
“Well, that’s not all you mum had to say, she thinks that it would be better for you to stay here. She says she can’t look after you properly and thinks that this would be best.” What the fuck?
Would it be stupid to say that I knew this was going to happen? I was expecting it, but not this soon, I mean, I'm not a very messy person by any means, but when it comes to any form of responsibility, yeah, she’s gone. I just couldn’t stop the anger from rising inside me.
“What?!” I couldn’t stop my voice from rising. “So that’s it is it? What she couldn’t tell me herself? Worried about hurting my feelings was she?”
“calm down,” my dad said patiently.
“How can I be calm?” he gave me an understanding look, “I mean, come on! She said that she missed me and loved me and wanted to take care of me! And now, seriously?!” I looked away and crossed my arms over my chest. Yes alright! I strop, but there’s a reason for it!
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