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Chapter 1:I'm a bit of a bitch but we're friends right?

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Chapter one I'm a bit of a bitch but we’re friends right?

I took one last look at the shabby house where I had practically wasted two years of my life. Lets be honest, at times they were two fun years but in general? Yup, I wouldn’t miss it that much, only the freedom, or as much freedom as you could possibly get while being constantly broke and having to pay out for bills and food.

“hurry up, we need to go!” wined my mum while getting into the car.

“yeah yeah, I'm coming” I took one last look and got into the car beside her. Nahh... I wasn’t going to miss it that much....

*******

“hey, has anyone got a fag?” I shouted as I walked towards my friends. Paddy pulled out a pack and handed me one. I lit it and puffed away greatful for such awesome people. It was getting dark and college hadn’t even finished yet for those unlucky few. I turned around and watched as Paddy said good bye to Cassie.

“still her little bitch then huh?” I asked him as she walked away.

“shut up Nat.” I couldn’t help but smile.

“dude, when are you going to grow some balls and leave her, I mean, she’s taken and you follower her around like a freaking puppy.” I flicked my fag away and started heading for the bus stop, with Paddy looking slightly miserable next to me.

“yeah I know man, but..”

“No buts Paddy, I mean I cant believe you take this lying down. Let me rephrase what I said earlier, not only are you her bitch, but your her doormat as well!” I laughed at him while watching the expression on his face change from sad to slightly peeved.

“shut up”

“whatever you say hun, I'm just here for moral support and to point out a few things that may have slipped your notice.” I smiled evilly up at him.

“oh? Like what?” his tone slightly sour.

“well, for starters, the bus is here and we’re standing around like idiots,” he looked behind him realising that I wasn’t pulling his leg, “oh and that you’re Cassie’s bitch!” at which point I pelted past him and headed onto the bus.

“why you little..!” at which point I simply couldn’t hear the rest over my own laughter.

I enjoyed the bus ride since it consisted of me telling Paddy how he was an idiot and that he should just lay on the floor and let everyone walk all over him not just one chick. But hey, isn’t this what friends are for? He was being used due to one girls’ insecurities, and the sooner he realised it the better. He sat there and took it. Oh,.. we’re there...

“fancy a drink before catching the next bus home?” he asked me.

“sure, why not? It’s your turn to pay right?”

He laughed at that and put his arm around me. “yes...” he said, we’d gone through this for the last month or so, since we’d become friends. It was becoming a habit to go down to the pub together and each time Cassie would text he would say that he was with me. It served to piss her off and it was something we both enjoyed doing. WHAT?! Don’t judge me! She was using him and just because the majority of guys are jerks doesn’t mean that there aren’t a few who have a hard time. And he was learning that there were better chicks out there and that he needed to go find them... just not me....

What can I say? I'm a bit of a bitch and I used to mess around a lot, but after my last boyfriend, well, lets just say that it was a learning curve...

We were in there for about an hour, talking and laughing, and maybe making out...WHAT? WE’RE BOTH SINGLE SO DONT JUGDE ME!!... but then as we started to walk back to the bus station, something occurred to me...

“Paddy?” He turned to look at me.

“Yes Nat?”

“Don’t fall for me ok?” he looked away,” I mean I know we have fun and all that and you’re a nice guy, don’t get me wrong, but I’ve got a load of issues so don’t fall for me. Promise me?”

He couldn’t look at me, oh dear...

“well, what if it’s already too late?” I got on the bus, I didn’t need to hear this...

“in that case promise me you wont do anything about it.” .. he could at least do that couldn’t he, or would I have to do something terrible and drastic to stop him thinking about me like that?

“I cant do that...” he whispered as I turned away. What have I done?

I got home, or rather, I got to my mum’s house. It wasn’t really a place that I liked to stay if I could help it, but since I moved out of that shack I didn’t really have much of a choice, and the idea of staying with my dad made me want to be violently sick. Not that he’s not a nice guy don’t get me wrong, its just that he’s controlling, judgemental, has brick walls for ears, controlling, old fashioned and controlling... did I miss anything out? Anyway, my aim in life was to move out the first moment I had a chance, which turned up just before my 17th birthday in the shape of a guy called Rob. A nice guy by all accounts. Well, there were a few problems... the point is that I moved into a shared house with him and some friends and lost contact with some of my old friends, tried a few drugs which I ended up not liking, I mean come on!! Weed really stinks!!! Cant stand the stuff.. and started to fail college... then some bad stuff happened and he left and then I started going out with one of his old friends called Matt... who was a bit of a douche.. yeah.. I can really pick them... cue sarcasm... anyway, I realised that I was really screwing up so I moved in with my mum... unfortunately I still have some unresolved issues with Matt which needs sorting out. Standing outside my mum’s house I dug my phone out of my pocket. He picked up after three rings.

“hey babe, how hard is it to pick up the phone and call me huh?” he was always like this, but he never seemed to understand that maybe I would like a call from him for a change... nope.. don’t think so...

“difficult since I have practically no credit and I'm really busy with coursework and stuff.” Lies... all lies....

“well when are you gonna come round and see me?” ... why was it always me going round to see him..? why couldn’t he ever make the effort to come and see me?

“we need to talk, I'm not coming round.” Voice stay strong... please stay strong... “its over, I cant do this anymore.”

There was silence. And then the phone clicked. He’d hung up. I let out a deep breath, well.. that went better than expected....

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