this is not the end ~~ ziam + larry

chapter five

zayns pov

"zayn, you have to wear your ring. i know you don't want to but you have to." a deep brittish voice told me.

"fine. but i'll take it off as soon as we get into the bus and later the hotel. i won't wear it when it's not absolutely necessary." i burst out at harry.

"okay okay. z, i know that i'm not liam but you can talk to me too you know? and i can't imagine how hard it must be pretending to me engaged to a girl who doesn't like boys. unfortunately no one here can do anything about it at the moment." he says, still calm.

harry's always so fucking calm, me? no, i get angry easily and often. i hate it.

i usually go to liam for comfort when it happens but i cant do that now. it's been weird between us lately.

of course i can talk to louis, harry and niall too but their comfort isn't the same as liam's. he is really something special.

and i'm so fucking in love with him.

"we're leaving now! niall and liam get yor asses out here right the hell now!" louis suddenly screams like two meters beside me.

"damn lou, you don't have to scream that loud. they're like just up the stairs." i say to him.

"oh i know, i'm just too exited and i like annoying you and haz." he says with a little nose scrunch.

i just roll my eyes at him and turn to check if i have everything i need. just as i do liam comes around the corner and we bump into each other. i quickly freeze and i can feel my face getting red.

"i- uh... i was just getting my stuff." i mumble at him.

he doesn't even answer. ouch.

***

when we're finally sitting on one seat each we are on the road again, it took some time though. harry wanted to sit in louis' lap but paul did not want that.

i just sat in my seat, beside liam. i got so happy when paul placed us beside each other but at the same time i can't be this near him. i'm not myself which feels bad, if i want liam to like me then i have to be able to behave near him.

i yawn and i can feel myself drifting into sleep. as i do i can also feel my head falling to my right, on to someones shoulder to be exact.

***

"zaynie, we're here you have to wake up." is the first thing i hear.

as i open my eyes i can feel that i'm lying on someones shoulder and i look up to see that it's liam. i am quick to move away, i did not want to but it felt wrong. like i'm using liam just because of this stupid little crush.

wrong, this stupid huge crush.

i stand up to stretch my body and then grab my stuff to get out of the bus.

we all like to spend our first nights on a hotel instead of the bus just to get a little soft start of the tour, so that's where we are right now. at a hotel in london simply because our first concert is in o2 arena. but that's in a week, first we are having rehearsals and other shit.

"zayn and liam hurry up, we are five minutes late as it is already, we don't have to get more late just because of you two sleeping." our body guard paul yells at us from the front of the bus.

"coming!" liam yells back. "well we better hurry then."

***

when we are finally in the lobby with all of our stuff and paul gives us our room cards i just got one card each, we usually get two.

"umm paul, i only have one card?" i say to him in a questioning tone.

"yeah, you and liam are sharing a room this week. there were just two rooms free." paul explains.

"why didn't you just let harry and louis sleep in one room. i bet they would love that." i complain.

"okay zayn i have two things to say. one, stop complaining. two, management won't let them sleep together, belive me i tried."

"fine." i mutter back at him.

when i turn around to give louis a worried look i can swear i saw him wink at paul and smirk, just for a second before turning to liam and whisper something in his ear. liam looks scared for a few moments but then he just looks confident.

"well zayn, let's go shall we?" he asks me.

i just mutter back at him out of nervousness.

the room has two beds, phew, a little desk, tv and one huge bathroom with a tub and shower. a little weird if you ask me to put so much effort on the bathroom but so little on the bedroom.

"nice room huh?" liam asks me.

"sure."

"zayn please, can we just go back to normal?"

"what do you mean?"

of course i know what he means, i just don't want to talk about it.

"oh you know damn well what i mean. you have started acting so strange around me lately and it hurts zayn, it hurts so much every single time. i don't think i'll be able to handle one more day of you just being cold to me and barely saying anything. i just want you back as my best friend." he bursts out.

i don't know what to say about that. it just came so sudden but yes, he was right. i hadn't been myself these past few months. at least not around him.

and another thing, didn't it sound like he was saying something more? about how much it hurt and everything... no. stop zayn, you'll just get your hopes up too high. stop for fucks sake.

"talk to me zayn! please i beg you." it almost sounds like he's about to cry.

"i'm sorry liam. i know i've been cold lately and i don't think i can do anything about that. i'm sorry but it's just how it is right now li. and maybe it'll be like this forever. belive me, i am sorry." is all i can say before i start to run into the bathroom.

"no! zayn wait. it can't just be like this. we have to solve this in some way. i know we can do it together. i know it."

"then how li? how? do you have any ideas? 'cause i know i don't!"

"okay here goes nothing," he mumbles "i like you zayn. like i love like you. a lot. really much."

what did he just say? did he say what i thought he did, did he say that he liked me? a lot, really much?

"what?"

"i like you zayn. i would almost say that i'm in love with you. and i have been for almost two months now."

i can't say anything, i can't move, i just stand there and watch him. i just watch the guy that i have been in love with for six months now who said that he likes me back.

i just stare at the kind, beautiful, warm and amazing liam james payne.

***

w-count: 1,19 k

oooh cliff hanger! or maybe not but kinda. i don't know. anyways, double update yay! i'm sick and will be home from school a few days this next week so i'll have time to write then! it's not corona tho, i have been tested and everything so it's fine! i still have a sore throat tho :(.

ouch my throat :(

i've had so much writing motivation lately and i love it! things are starting to get more and more interesting too so that's positive!

published: 14/9-21

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xoxo mandi <3