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Love vs. Lust

Chapter 35

I couldn't sleep that night, so after laying in my bed for hours I finally switched on the cd Gordon had made for me. His voice was soothing and soon I drifted off to sleep. I dreamt again but it wasn't the same dream. This time I dreamt about Cole. I was sitting outside a place that I didn't recognize. It looked like some sort of club and I was feeling horrible. I wanted to go home but for some reason I couldn't. The next thing I knew Cole's car was pulling into the parking lot. He jumped out and ran towards me with a worried expression on his face.

I woke up with jerk and had to catch my breath. My heart was racing in my chest and it took a while before I could get myself to calm down. These dreams that I was having didn't seem like dreams. They felt way too real.

I laid in my bed wondering if there was a way to figure out whether these dreams I've been having was actually memories. I could ask Cole if something like that ever really happened but I wasn't sure if I could face him, not after what happened last night.

I didn't bother going through any of my or Gordon's things, it didn't seem like it was helping anyway. Instead I switched on the TV and watched movies the whole day. It was after seven at night when my cell phone rang. I picked it up and saw that it was Cole. I considered ignoring him but to be honest I was feeling a bit lonely.

"Hi," I answered feeling nervous.

"Hi," he replied sounding relieved. He probably didn't think I was going to answer my phone. I didn't' know what to say so I just kept quiet and waited for him to say something first.

"I know you probably don't want to talk to me right now but I just wanted to make sure you were ok," he finally said.

"I'm alive, I'm not sure about being ok though," I answered, trying to lighten the mood. I was confused about a lot of things but I didn't want to lose Cole, he was the only person I had left.

"I'm sorry about last night," he said sounding sincere.

"It's ok, I asked and you answered me truthfully. You just took me by surprise," I replied.

"So you're not mad at me?" he asked.

"Nope, I am a bit confused thought," I answered.

"About what?" he asked, his voice thick with concern.

"Everything, I was hoping that maybe you could help me try figure things out," I answered. I haven't really decided whether I wanted to ask him about the dreams but now that I was talking to him it seemed like the obvious thing to do.

"Of course I'll help you. What do you want me to do?" Cole asked sounding happier now.

"You could come over here, I've got some things I want to talk to you about," I replied, hoping that he could maybe really help me.

"Sure, I'll be there in a few," he said and then hung up.

It didn't take long before I heard his car pull up in the driveway. I got up from where I was sitting and opened the door for him. He greeted me with a smile but kept his distance, probably not wanting to scare me off again.

"Do you want' something to drink?" I asked, feeling a bit uncomfortable.

"Yeah, that will be nice," Cole answered, looking a bit nervous himself.

"Ok, I'll be right back," I said as I quickly made my way into the kitchen. I poured two glasses of soda and then headed back to the living room. Cole was sitting on one of the single couches so I handed him a glass and sat down on the big couch where I used to sleep. There was an awkward silence so I took it upon myself to get the conversation started.

"I've been having these dreams about Gordon and you. The thing is that I'm not sure if they are dreams or memories," I stated, watching him carefully to see his reaction.

"Maybe I can help you figure it out if you tell me what happened in these dreams," Cole replied sounding intrigued.

"That's what I was hoping," I said and then told him the dreams. First I told him about the dream I had of Gordon and the ice cream parlor. He looked really sad while I told him this but he didn't say anything. Next I told him about the dream I had about him last night. When I was done I took a sip of my soda and waited for him to say something.

"I'm not sure about the dream about Gordon and the ice cream parlor but the one you had about me is definitely a memory," he said, smiling.

"So that really happened? Could you maybe tell me all the details?" I asked feeling excited.

"Yeah that really happened and of course I will tell you," Cole chuckled.

For the next twenty minutes Cole explained to me exactly what happened that night. Apparently that was the night Reagan and my friendship came to an end. We got drunk and I told her that I was in love with Cole while knowing that she was still in love with him. I felt horrible for doing that but soon got over it when Cole told me that she had left me at the club to find my own way home. I had phoned Cole to come and pick me up and spend the night at his house.

"I've got an idea, but I'm not sure if it will work," Cole said after he told me what happened that night.

"What is it? I'll do anything that will help me remember," I replied, feeling much more optimistic now that I knew I had at least one real memory.

"Well, I was thinking that maybe you would remember things better if I took you to the place where they happened and then told you the memory that went with it," Cole answered.

"That actually sounds like a really good idea, when do we start?" I asked, feeling excited.

"Right now, if you are up for it," he answered, smiling his gorgeous smile at me.

I agreed immediately and watched as he got up from where he was sitting. He was being so nice to me that I was feeling horrible about the way I acted last night. He was only answering my questions honestly and I treated him like crap. He didn't deserve that.

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