The Chronicles of The Trinity on Earth-10: Part One - Superman

Chapter Ten: Getting Married... Finally!

Downtown Metropolis | Metropolis, New York
Sunday, September 16, 2018 | 09:00 EDT

Okay, so we got things straightened out with Bridgette, whatwith her powers and school, and all, and we talked to her and asked her what she wanted us to do in terms of her legal custody situation. She told us that she wanted to see us married before we tried to take her mother to court to battle for her custody. That way, we wouldn't run into a whole bunch of other issues that come with two people who are only engaged and trying to adopt someone.

So we un-postponed the wedding. Now, today's the day. But unlike most grooms who would normally be trying to relax before the biggest event of their lives starts, I'm in the middle of yet another city-scale debacle. Lex Luthor decided it was a bright idea to open up a Boom Tube to the hell-planet, Apokolips, and invite Kalibak, an old enemy of mine, and a son of Apokolips' ruler, Darkseid, here to Earth to try his hand at killing me, again. Today, of all days! Somebody remind me to flick Luthor in his shiny, bald, chrome-dome head when we're done, here.

And being raised and trained on Apokolips means that Kalibak fights as dirty as he knows how to. He's coming at me with a Dodge Ram 1500 and a Ford F-150, and I block and counter the best I know how. I then up him one, accidentally into a fully loaded bus, which Kalibak notices and says, "Heh heh, looks like I get to kill some humans, after all, Kal-El..."

Then he picks up the bus and chucks it at me, front-first, but I am able to quickly fly under it and safely set it back down on the ground.

Barry zips up to me, and after running the people on the bus to safety, says, "Hey, Clark. I was in the neighborhood and I noticed that Downtown Metropolis was looking a little busted up. Whoa, dude, is that Kalibak?!"

"Yep," I say. "In the flesh. Good to see ya, Barry."

"Whoa, dude, he's even uglier than you said he was."

Then he calls out to the Apokoliptian ogre and says, "Hey, Shrek, you're even uglier than Kal-El told us you were! If I had a face like yours, I'd be pissed off, too!"

And Kalibak charges straight at us. He jumps in the air to try to slam us, but I meet him six yards from the ground with a very powerful right uppercut to his chin, which produces a visible shock wave from the impact and shatters any nearby windows that had managed to remain intact during our skirmish, and sends him flying away, far and fast.

Then, as Kalibak comes barreling back at us, Barry heckles him some more, saying, "Oh, I'm sorry, did that face comment strike a nerve? Well, maybe if your breath wasn't so horrifying, your face wouldn't be so hard to look at! I mean, come on! Haven't you ever heard of a toothbrush?"

Then as we move out of the way at the last moment, and make him run face-first into a steel traffic light pole, Barry continues, "But then again, your teeth are probably so disgusting, you'd irreversibly gunk up a hundred toothbrushes. And screw using toothpaste. Your breath is so bad, if we dumped you in a vat of high-potency toothpaste, you'd rot the whole damned vat! Seriously, what do you eat, Kalibak, crap burgers? Because your breath smells like absolute doo doo!"

And we both bust up laughing.

"Good job, Barry," I say, trying to regain my composure. "You remembered what I told you about Kalibak; that he's prone to anger, and the angrier he gets, the more mistakes he makes. Nice going. And you should really consider taking up comedy."

"Really, Clark? You think?" he asks.

"Yeah, man," I say. "You're hilarious. I think I know where young Wally gets his humor from."

"Well, in any case, let's wrap this up. Your wedding is in less than seven hours, we both still need to get ready, and I still have a crap-ton of stuff Iris needs me to do before then."