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Love vs. Lust

Chapter 34

I went through every single drawer in my room but I just couldn’t remember. I was feeling miserable and heartbroken. I didn’t understand how I could be morning the loss of somebody I couldn’t remember but my heart was throbbing painfully.

It was around five in the afternoon when I gave up, I fell down on my bed and just laid there. I wasn’t ever going to remember I thought, frightened by the idea. About an hour had passed when my cell phone rang. I picked it up and checked the caller ID, it was Cole. I didn’t really feel like talking to him but I answered anyway.

“Hi, how are you?” he asked, sounding concerned like always.

“Horrible,” I answered truthfully.

“Why? What happened?” he questioned, his voice filled with panic.

“Nothing, that’s the problem, I can’t remember anything,” I replied. I heard him sigh with relief on the other side of the phone before he continued talking.

“I’m so sorry Gabby, but maybe I can help cheer you up. Have you eaten anything yet?” he asked sounding optimistic.

“Nope,” I replied. I haven’t even thought about food but now that he mentioned it I realized how hungry I was.

“Why don’t you get dressed then and I’ll take you out. I’m sure you could use some fresh air,” Cole said. I didn’t feel like it but I was hungry and maybe he was right. Maybe I just needed to get away from everything, even if it was just for a few hours.

“Ok, I’ll be ready in about half an hour,” I replied and then hung up.

I got up from my bed and took a quick shower before getting dressed. I didn’t bother trying to look good, I just threw on a pair of jeans and a tank top. Cole arrived on time just as I finished getting dressed. I headed out and met him halfway down the driveway. He looked confused about it but didn’t ask.

“I just need to get out of here,” I said answering his unasked question. He nodded his head in understanding and opened the door for me. I got in, closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the seat. I didn’t care where we were going as long as it would make me forget that I couldn’t remember for a while.

A few minutes later the car came to a stop and I opened my eyes. We were at the mall.

“I thought we could grab a burger and then maybe catch a movie,” Cole said, looking at me for approval.

“Sounds good,” I said, opening my door and getting out. The evening air was cool and it felt good on my skin. We ate at Barney’s since Cole said that they made the best burgers. I’ve never eaten there or at least I couldn’t remember ever eating there. I pushed all thought about my memory loss out of mind and concentrated on trying to enjoy myself. I was battling but Cole was really sweet. He joked the whole time and tried to talk about things that wouldn’t upset me. He almost managed to make me feel like a normal teenager, but not quite.

When we were done eating we headed over to the movie theatre. Cole told me that I could chose and I made the worst choice ever. I didn’t know what any of the movies were about so I just chose one that looked like it could be a comedy. It turned out to be a drama and half way through I couldn’t stop myself from crying.

“We can go,” Cole whispered, leaning closer to me.

“No, I want to see what happens,” I replied, needing to know if the story had a happy ending.

“Ok,” Cole agreed without arguing and then surprised me by taking my hand in his. My first reaction was to pull away but I didn’t. It made me feel kind of safe and I don’t think that he meant anything by it. I think he was just trying to make me feel better and he did. It turned out that the movie had a happy ending and it gave me a bit of hope that I too could maybe be happy again one day.

The cool evening breeze had turned deathly cold and by the time we reached the exit of the mall I was freezing. Cole took of his jacked and slipped it over my shoulders, warming me up instantly.

“Thanks,” I whispered, pulling it tightly against my skin.

“Pleasure,” he replied, smiling at me. There was something familiar about the way he looked at me at that moment.  My tummy fluttered and immediately afterwards I was consumed by guilt.

I didn’t say anything on the drive home. I was way too confused. I wasn’t sure what my earlier feelings meant but I didn’t like them. When we arrived at my house, Cole got out and walked me to my door.

“I’m sorry about the movie,” he said as I unlocked the door.

“It’s ok,” I replied not really feeling like talking. I stepped inside and turned to face him. He had a strange expression on his face. I couldn’t remember where I had seen it before but it was very familiar.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked, unable to stop myself. He looked uncomfortable and unsure whether he should answer me.

“You can tell me,” I said, still trying to figure things out.

“It’s just that I’ve really missed you,” he answered, looking me straight in the eyes.

His words confused me terribly. I mean, from what I could understand I had dumped Cole quite a while ago and I never saw him while I was with Gordon. Why would he miss me if we weren’t even friends anymore when I almost killed myself by accident?

“You’ve missed me,” I stated but it sounded more like a question.

“Yes,” he answered, his eyes looking sad but hopeful at the same time.

“Why?” I asked, trying to make sense of it.

“It doesn’t matter,” he answered quickly as he looked away from me.

“Yes it does. I’m trying to put my life back together and if there is something I need to know, I want you to tell me,” I demanded. I hate it when people keep things from me. I would rather know the truth and be hurt then be lied to.

“You want to know why I’ve missed you?” he asked, probably trying to stall answering me.

“Yes,” I said sternly.

“Ok, I’ll tell you. I’ve missed you every day and every night since you dumped. I really loved you Gabby and I still do,” he said, his voice braking as he spoke the last words.

I didn’t know what to say or do so I shut the door in his face, locked it and ran to my room. I shut my door behind me and sat down on my bed waiting for the sound of his car starting up and driving away. It took a few minutes but eventually I heard it and felt my body fill with relief. I couldn’t face him again right now, not after what he had just told me.

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