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Pen Your Pride

I was crying. It was dark and I don't know where I was, but I could taste the salt of my tears.

"Shhh..." Someone whispered.

I wanted to scream but I couldn't someone was covering my mouth. I don't like this, I thought. "Sammie please let me go." I whimpered, I sounded so young, so innocent. He reached out his hand and I flinched, he didn't seem to notice as he wiped my tears away. Sammie... where have I heard that name before? Oh God no, please don't make me see this again. I squirmed trying to get out of his grasp.

"Katydid stop squirming, just sit still. Its fine I won't hurt you."

I cringed at the old nickname. I was more determined now; I'm not going to go through this again. "No!" I screamed as I lashed out aiming for his face. "No no no no!"

"Katy! Katy! Stop, it was just a dream you're fine Baby."

I opened my eyes to my mother's concerned face. I looked around the room a few times searching for his face. Once I realized he wasn't here and it really was a dream I burst into tears.

"Oh Honey." My mom reached out to touch my arm and I jerked away. I saw her face contort in pain and I opened my mouth to apologize but nothing came out. She smiled in understanding. "Its fine Honey I should know better."

I tried to smile back at her but it just looked like a tight grimace so I looked down at my hands. I was such a freak I couldn't even let my own mother touch me without wanting to puke. In fact I was feeling a little queasy at this moment. I thought back to the dream and shivered. It's been six years and he still haunts my dreams. I hate him so much, he made my life a living hell just to satisfy his needs.

If you think I'm weird now, well I'm even more of a freak at school. I have no friends, which I don't really care about because all they do is ask how you're feeling when really they don't give a f**k about how you're feeling.

Still I could have been normal if this hadn't happened. But now I'll never know because nobody wants to be the friend of the girl who got raped when she was 10.

People usually try to avoid me at school even the teachers look at me differently. Everybody knows my secret, since this is a small town, and that just makes it even worse. It's hard to get over something when everywhere you turn someone's looking at you with pity.

They always tell me, Katy I understand how you're feeling so if you need someone to talk to come see me, what do they mean they know how I feel? Unless all of them have gotten raped by someone they trusted then they don't know how the hell I'm feeling.

"Honey was it another one of those......dreams?" My mom hesitated at the word "dreams".

I just nodded my head not feeling like explaining more, she already knew what they were about.

"I'm sorry Hun I thought the dreams were gone for good. It's been a year I don't understand why they're back." She sighed, running her hands through her hair. I just nodded lying back down and pulling the covers up to my chin. She sighed again, "Well goodnight Honey." She raised her hand to pat my back, I shivered and she dropped her hands back to her sides.

"Goodnight Mom." I whispered.

She smiled and walked out of my room.

I sighed inwardly; this is going to be a long night.

Katy's Mom's POV

I walked into my room and saw John was sitting up. "Did she wake you too?"

He grimaced, "Yeah was it another one of those dreams?"

"Yes, I don't understand John I thought they were gone for good. What have I done wrong? Maybe I said something that caused them?"

"Gracey you can't blame yourself. Maybe him coming back to town is triggering them.

" "Ya.....maybe."

He sighed, "Gracey please tell me you told her."

I plopped down on the bed and sighed, "I couldn't John I'm sorry, but with everything she's going through I just couldn't, she's so shaken up already."

He rubbed my back and said, "I know what you're saying and if I could I would shelter her from all of this but we have to tell her so she'll be prepared."

"I know, I know...well I guess I can tell her tomorrow."

John grabbed my hand rubbing it. "We'll tell her together." He said.


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