10.

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SIDHARTH

Was I actually behaving this way, I have been with many women, and when I say many it means a pretty good share of them, they we're all casual relationships,if someone said bade baap ka bigda hua beta,that would have been apt for me at a time, pyaar karna toh shayad aata hi nhi tha till the time I thought I fell in love,yes I did like everyone I felt that emotion once only to realize that LOVE is just apt for films, drama and fantasies,there is no love in real life, why to promises someone for getting them moon and stars when you scientifically know that's not even close to reality but even in that one true relation I never behaved in such a way, I was never the one involved in those mushy things, I used to keep myself away from actually touching them when not needed, neither was I one to believe in PDA then why did I pulled her back when she was going even when there's nothing between us? Why it felt as if her going away was taking my sukoon with her? Why did I caressed her hairs? Why did I felt that she belongs in my arms? Why does only her presence comforts me? Why just why? Damn it!!!

With this I punched the bonnet of the car making her shriek.

Sana: Kya hua?
Sid: Umm I am sorry, I was just thinking something and....
Sana: U believe in self harm?

Her question took me off guard, why would someone ask me this? Do she feel me as a psycho or something of that sort.

Sid: Why are you asking?
Sana: Answer me first.
Sid: No I don't believe in it, it's the worst one could do.

She smiled and her smile caused my heart to warm up but I failed to notice the sadness behind that smile. What's even happening. I waited for her to speak something but instead she parked the car in front of a parking area and I looked at her surprised.

Sid: What? This is not where I live.
Sana: As if I didn't knew.
Sid: Then why are we here?

Instead of answering she got out of the drivers seat and opened my side of door, and took out the first aid box from the glove box of car. I was just staring at her.
She dipped the cotton in Dettol and placed it on the side of my hand and that's when I felt that stinging pain

Sid: Ahhh....

A small shriek left my mouth and she became more cautious, she blow the air on the bruises before again applying dettol to it and what I did was to stare her, the way she does all those things, the way she hiss as if she is the one in pain, as if.....

Sana:Done, I think we should let it loose, jaldi theek hoga.

Sid: Iski zaroorat nhi thi.
Sana: Welcome.
Sid: Huh....
Sana: Aapka Thank you bolne ka tareeka alag tha par shayad thank u ke baad welcome aise hi bolte hai.

She was such a swagger at times, I waited for her to answer my previous question but she chose to stay silent.

Sana: Stop staring I am telling....
Sid: Waiting...
Sana: You were happy when you sat in the car, even happy when I chose to drive my own car and not giving it to you but then suddenly you chose to hit yourself.... Yourself because dashboard ko toh kuch nhi hoga, so if it's not self harm then I doubt I know what else is it called.

Sid: Maybe you are correct but no I am not in a favour of it, I just didn't realised it, that's all.

Sana: I..... Leave it.... It's ok.
Sid: Shehnaaz.....
Sana: Haanji.
Sid: are you always this formal?
Sana: Matlab?
Sid: The way you are with me, like I don't know if you would agree or not, but when I see you with Sanchi you are a total different person, in that case with Aahnik and Aadia too.... But in office you smile but it's fake I know, with me....

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