"And you know we don't give a fuck, it's not your Birthday!" Nessa sang as she danced her way into our apartment.

"You can find me in the club, bottle full of bub. Look mami I got the x if you into taking drugs. I'm into having sex, I ain't into making love so come give me a hug if you into getting rubbed" I sang along with my friend as I followed her into our apartment and fell right onto the large couch in our living room.

"Okay, I think that's enough singing for tonight. You haven't shut up ever since we got out of the club" Sofi grumbled, she took off her black boots and massaged her feet. "My feet are killing me."

"I told you not to wear those to work" I pointed out.

 I know she wants to look good at the club but she's not  there to dance and have fun, our job is to clean tables and serve customers. The only good thing out of working at a popular club is that you can sort of party along with the customers, as long as you keep it as professional as possible.

I settled myself against the comfortable couch and looked around for the remote control. I picked it up from the round center table and turned on the television. I surfed through several channels and finally settled down on a boring news show. Feeling very tired I began to dose off, it was the mentioning of my hometown on TV that made straighten up and listen to the news anchor woman going off about the latest tragedy.

"More than a dozen gunman were killed in the northern state of Tamulipas, Mexico. Mexican forces are unable to control the violence and it may get worse, authority's here say that two powerful drug cartels-The Gulf Cartel and The Sinaloa Cartel have allied together to defeat a gang of 'hitman' known as Los Zetas. They are fighting over control of the State of Tamaulipas which is currently under the control  of  The Gulf Cartel. Reports have pointed out that the powerful leader of The Gulf Cartel, vicious drug lord Salvador Romano and his sons are--"

I shut off the TV and could feel my friends eyes on me, waiting for a reaction... but I was already used to the concerned stares every time something like this came on TV. It's the same thing all the time. I'll hear or watch something about the drug war going on in Mexico and I'll get paranoid. It's not a good feeling. 

Every time I hear about the cartels I'm reminded of them.

My best friend Sofia took a seat next to me and squeezed my shoulder tightly, pulling me closer to her in a comforting embrace "Are you okay Gabs?"

"I'm fine" I sighed ant turned away from her, only to look right into the eyes of my other good friend Vanessa.

"It's okay to be upset Gabby" Nessa whispered. "It's your family they're talking about after all"

My family. How messed up is that? Every time I hear someone talk about drug cartels in Mexico I'm reminded of my family.

"I don't even know why I still freak out every time I hear about them" I stood up from my seat and walked into the small kitchen. I poured myself a glass of water to get rid off the weird feeling in my throat, and also to prevent myself from crying.

"I should already be used to this" I laughed humorlessly. "Shouldn't I? I've spent all my fucken life worrying about that crap. I thought that as years went by the feelings would go away. But they haven't."

"You worry about them" Sofi said. "It's normal to worry about your father and brothers"

"But they're criminals!" I cried. "They do bad things! I shouldn't care about them! They don't deserve to have my mother and I think about them at all."

My father tried to keep us trapped in a world that we wanted no part of, and even though my mother finally managed to get us out of that life we still keep being reminded of the people we left behind every time we turn on the television.

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