🦋💚🌻My Dreams 🌻💚🦋

🌜 Anxiety 🌛

"You look good! Let's go!" Smiling I finish the eyeliner and walk out getting in the car and heading off.

My group of friends are blaring music and giggling as I laugh with them.

"Let's go tear up some roads!!" The boys scream, girls joining.

I grow slightly quieter, as thoughts of wrecks and statistics of teens dying in car accidents run through my head, my leg shaking as I bounce it, trying to ditch the feeling of being itchy in my own skin.

"You'll never be comfortable with me."

We head off, tearing up fields and mudding all day as we laugh.

Later we stop, heading into our favorite small town diner.

"Bathroom?" The girls nod and we head to it, fixing are wind tangled hair and makeup.

I watch them, smiling as I notice how gorgeous they all are.

I chew my lip, standing back as I spot myself in the mirror.

"You could never be that pretty, hell, they probably laugh about you being the ugly bestie of the group
!"

I frown, tugging at the form-fitting shirt and skinny jeans that hugged my curves.

But I didn't see that, I saw the boring green eyes and hair color that screamed "weirdo", the blemishes on my skin and the way I didn't move or talk like them.

I chew my nails, trying to ignore the feeling of being itchy in my own skin, like it was a sized too tight.

"Alright what's everyone having?" Before anyone answered the boy looked at me chuckling.

"And don't blow the price outta wack" everyone laughs, joking and playfully pushing me as I join in the banter.

I grow quiet while everyone talks, pulling at my stomach and thighs, comparing them to the long slim legs to my friends and cutting down on what I ordered.

"Maybe thin up and you'll be perfect."

My heart races and I tap my fingers on the table, trying to ignore being itchy in my own skin, as if I could never fit who I should be.

We leave everyone laughing and climbing in, I walk a little slower, feeling as if I'm walking in a bubble, I scratch, digging my torn cracked nails into my soft pale skin, the area growing redder till finally I scratch too much.

I jump, feeling a hand on my shoulder and look to see you, smiling so perfectly.

My wrist throbs, the scratches bleeding as my heart calms and my breathing returns.

You tsk, taking my wrists and kissing the marks as my eyes tear up watching you, you pat my head, kissing my forehead and I close my eyes, breathing in your scent one last time.

I blink and it's over, your gone and I'm calm again, my wrists holding the scratches as I climb in with them, I cover them with my sleeves, chewing my lip as I tremble, trying to ignore the itch of being in my own skin.

====================================

Just a small piece of what happens when I personally get a panic attack