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Bonus: Chapter 13 Alec's POV

A Student
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Bonus: Chapter 13 Alec's POV
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ comment and vote 'cause this bonus thing is the bomb. Warning: it is long as f.

I sat with my back against the lockers and looked across, seeing the words being erased with nail polish and bleach. My heart constricted at the thought this was meant for someone so delicate and breakable. I was confused, bewildered and awestruck from this, I couldn't comprehend why. Why this? What is the purpose? The words were almost gone as the janitor scrubbed hard and constantly on the lockers, but the impact wasn't even settled yet. Earlier in the morning they had to replace a locker because the words were carved with a screwdriver like a sculpture.

I sat there to absorb what I've caused someone. This is me, this is what I do to people.

Sighing I check the time, I still got time to sit here and reflect on my pessimistic and dark companionship. These words, the things people have carved, written and painted, is because of me. Maybe if I wasn't as weak as I truly am, I wouldn't have cared about Nysa at all. But then when she looked up with big eyes no matter how much light reflected into her eyes, they were as dark as the nightmare I live in every day. Maybe if I were like other people I wouldn't give a shit. Maybe if I was as heartless and less conscious I couldve even been one of the people vandalizing the lockers. Maybe if I wasn't so stupid and selfish I would've ignored the shortie girl hiding herself under a hoodie every day. That's what I was supposed to do, see, ignore, vandalize. What could've been so complicated? I had it right, but then I did a three sixty and went to square one, back to the naive asshole I've always been. Now I ruined the reputation of a girl who worked so hard to maintain off radar.

I chuckled. I couldn't understand how or when or why all this began. Since when do I fall for petite little smart girls walking like she owns the world and doesn't give a shit about anyone else? Since when? I've never seen Nysa in my life, and if I have I don't recall, but she was three years right under my nose and now it's when I see her. What bothered me the most are the amounts of shits-given I feel. I could understand myself if I just wanted to have such a precious, delicate, tiny and soft body be mine, but to care?

I widen my eyes in fear and stared up into space wondering the mistake I've done. To like someone meant to date them, to love someone meant my mom, and to be intrigued was to have side bitches, but never ever care. Caring wasn't part of my life, I shouldn't care, caring is only used in my life when it comes to condoms, never about feelings. I thought and still think maybe I'm intrigued and obsessed, maybe I'm just, fixed on having her. And I would've, I would totally follow on with the MaleFuckAndRun code if I didn't felt guilt.

I felt guilt when I touched her, when I looked at her, when I breathed in the soft faint vanilla and lavender scent, I felt guilt when she tutored me. Everything, it was just not supposed to happen. I was set on paying her for doing my work, and holy fuck that felt guilty too. I'm not the moral type, I don't do that shit, the only moral I have is wasted on my mom, and after that I'm a selfish fucktard, the kind of jerk girls write about to let out some hate.

I sighed all over again banging my head against the locker behind me. The janitors are giving me weird looks, amused and scared.

If she wasn't so goddamn... Delicate, I wouldn't feel guilty. She'd do my work, I'd pay her, and I could lure her into my arms. Girls like that stuff, the whole love-me-want-me romance, I did followed that, except the love-me part. I feel guilt to watch her, because in my mind I'm running different positions, and as a dude, my imagination is wide awake every second.

I couldn't think about anything else all day.

The way she smelt, how her eyelashes fanned against her cheeks, the way her smile always side looped to a smirk. I groaned and taking the heavy history book planted it on my zipper. What's even more scary is the fact I didn't want a night thing, I had many of those, never a more than a month fuck buddy, but I wanted her to be that.