Right Hook (Gaslight series) COMPLETE

39 | Little thing called trust

Alyssa ♔

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The first thing I see through the blur of bodies is Max. His face is contorted, lined with anger and what looks like hurt, but it doesn't last long. In one quick second, he's stepping toward Ax.

"It's not what you think," I say. "I was so nervous that I drank another beer, and then I threw up." I scrunch up my nose and add, "I actually hate beer. I knew drinking it was a bad idea, but I did it anyway. Ax saw me running for the bathroom and kind of jumped in and held my hair back." I'm aware that I'm rambling, but for once, I don't care – I'll ramble until I'm out of breath if it prevents a fistfight right now.

Besides, everything I've said is true. As soon as Max left, I got so panicked that Ax offered me another beer to calm my nerves. I stupidly took it despite knowing beer and Alyssa don't mix, and when I rushed to find a bathroom, Ax, half disgusted, ran in after me.

Max is silent for a good three seconds. He grabs my hand, says goodbye to Ax, and then the two of us push our way through the crowd and back to his car, where we climb in silently. For a few minutes, he just sits, jaw hard, with his fingers clenched around the steering wheel. I still feel nauseous, regretting going for that second beer, but it's about all I could do not to panic. With Max running off after Kino and leaving me like that, I'd never felt more nervous.

"What did you think I thought?" he asks.

Confused, I say, "What?"

"Earlier," he says, not looking at me. "You said it's not what you think. What did you think I thought?"

I don't answer right away. A part of me feels like this is a test or a trick question, the kind Justin would set me up for. "That Ax and I... you know...did something in there."

There's a brief silence, and I imagine Justin sitting there in his place, doubting my every word. He'd accuse me of cheating in a heartbeat, of all sorts of things, and in a way, I wouldn't blame Max if he did, too. I know what it looked like coming out of that bathroom.  I know what I'd think if it were the other way around. Nervous, I add, "Do you believe me?"

He frowns and looks over. His eyes seem different, darker, somehow, consumed by turmoil. "Isn't that kind of how trust works?"

For some reason, it hadn't occurred to me that he trusts me. Maybe I'm so used to not being trusted, to having my motives questioned, that I've forgotten that for most–for better or worse–trust is the default setting.

"Right," I say, and there's this sense of relief that settles through me. "How did it go with Kino? I'm guessing not good."

"No," he says quietly, his fingers tightening on the wheel, "not good."

Sighing, I reach over and rest my hand over his. "I'm sorry. I feel like this is all my fault."

He turns to me now, dropping his hands from the steering wheel in order to face me properly. "It's not your fault, it's mine. I shouldn't have lied to him. I should have been upfront. That's what he's really mad about – I lied to him."

"What happens now?"

He shrugs, but I can see in his expression that he's cut up about this, and a part of me wonders if he's having doubts. "I guess the only thing I can do is give him time. Hope he comes around."

My relief is back as he turns to the wheel and starts the engine. With my home life getting worse, having this thing with Max ruined would be too much to deal with. He pulls onto the main road and starts down the street, turning up his music. We're silent all the way to my house, lost in our thoughts, but as soon as he pulls up outside, he kills the engine and takes my hand again.