The Downcast of Today

Chapter Five

Ranboo POV: 

"...we can go in my pool later!" That's all I heard. I didn't need to hear anything else. That sentence terrified me. It wasn't even that The water would burn me, it's just, I don't want Tubbo to see my arms. At first I was planning to wear long sleeves or use some type of makeup, but I can't do that in the pool. Ohh god, I might have to tell him. But what if he hates me? I can't just say no. 

"Ranboo" I heard someone say. It wasn't Tubbo. I tried looking at the but I couldn't see. God dang it, I was crying. "I-I- sorry I just-just-" I tried to stumble out. "Hey, just listen to my voice, It's alright." I heard them say. I identified it as Tubbos mother. I wasn't able to calm down for a few more minutes, but once I did I saw worried looking Tubbo and his mom. I was just going to have to tell him.

I sighed. It's better late than never. "U-Uhm, Tubbo, can, can we speak, about something..?" I asked looking down. Tubbo looked over to his mom who nodded and then we went back to his room. We sat down, I hugged my knees. "Ranboo.. what happened..?" Tubbo asked. He was obviously concerned. I knew I should've hidden this better. "Were you scared of being burned?" Tubbo asked.

I shook my head. "No, I-I'm not scared of that Tubbo, it's just something I'm scared to tell you?" I said with a slight shake in my voice. "Ranboo I swear no matter what it is I wont hate you. I never will" He said. He sounded so.. genuine. We turned to face each other, I was incredibly hesitant to show or say anything. 

What are you doing.

I ignored the voice. Maybe the voice was wrong and he should know? Maybe not. Whatever "I didn't want you seeing my arms, that's what I'm scared of" I said plainly. I guess if he's opinion did change I could just leave, it'd be ok. Right? Tubbo looked at me confuse before taking my hand. "Can I see?" He asked calmly.

NO, HE WONT CARE

"U-uh" I hesitated. I didn't like the yelling.

STOP IT, LISTEN TO ME

I nodded. "I guess you'd find out eventually, it's going to be 4 months after all.." My  voice would fail every once in a while. But maybe I can ignore this voice. It's not a person. I'll be fine, right? Tubbo slowly lifted up my sleeve. I didn't look at him. I couldn't keep eye contact during this. How could anyone. I started to worry, but after a few seconds I felt arms wrapping around me. Tubbo was clung onto me like if he let go I'd disappear. 

"Ranboo why.. why d-did you hurt yourself" Tubbo asked me. He sounded like he was going to cry.  "I, I just got overwhelmed sometimes, and, there's this, the voice that I mentioned. It doesn't say the best stuff to me." I said rubbing Tubbos back. "Sorry" I said quietly. "It's ok, I just, I wish you would've reached out." Tubbo said in a whisper. 

"Ranboo" Tubbo said. "What is it?" I looked down at him, his face was still in my chest. "I'm always here for you, you know that right" He asked. I sighed, "Yeah, I do now" I said to him. "When's the last time, you know, you..?" Tubbo asked. I knew it was about the scars. I didn't remember.. 

"I-I don't know?" I said. "That's ok, I just, don't want it happening again." Tubbo said sounding serious. I smiled a little. The voice had gone quiet, I was able to go against it. We stayed hugging for a while. Tubbo was just clinging to me. I didn't really mind I guess. Tubbo had also figured out a few other things, he did cry once. I felt kind of bad but he re assured me it wasn't my fault.

About after an hour we had both calmed down. "Um, we can still go in the pool" I said to Tubbo. Even if I was scared about it. "If you're ok with it, we should go midnight swimming!" Tubbo said this as he looked up at me. He looked happier than before. "Alright, we could go, what's the word-" God dangit I forgot a word. The one for going to a store.

"uhhh, like when you go to the store, and buy stuff, what's  the English word for that?" I asked Tubbo. "What if I didn't tell you" Tubbo asked with a smirk on his face. "C'mooon I only remember it's ⌇⊑⍜⌿⌿⟟⋏☌ in Enderian" I said with a groan. "Ok, then lets go ⌇⊑⍜⌿⌿⟟⋏☌ then!" 

I sighed before we got ready to go. A few minutes later I was in my usual outfit, and Tubbo came out in a striped sweatshirt with a pair of overalls on. "Ready?" He asked. I nodded and we started heading out, before Tubbo came out he and his mom had a short conversation though. "Let's start walking then! We have a store that takes about 10 minutes to walk to" He said.

"So, we need the lotion stuff, and sunscreen because we ran out, we can buy some mo..." Tubbo rambled on about what we need to buy. "Ranboo! did you bring a bathing suit?" Tubbo asked me. "I, I don't know?" I said, did I? Do I even own one? "Ok we're getting you one just in case!" Tubbo said.

"Uh, ok" I said. We arrived at the store a few minutes later. Tubbo was taking me around the store before we got stopped by some kid. "Excuse me, are you guys Tubbo and Ranboo?" they asked. I hesitated to answer, but Tubbo immediately said "Yeah! You wanna picture or something?" The kid had a mask on but I could tell they were grinning. They nodded and we learned that their name was Ember.

Ember took a picture with me and Tubbo, said thank you, and left. "Huh, I don't get recognized much" I said. "Really? Happens to me basically every time I go out-" Tubbo said. "I'm also faceless to everyone" I said to Tubbo. "True!" He said. "Also, let's go choose a bathing suit for you" He said dragging my arm. 

After Tubbo basically made me do a fashion show, we payed for everything and headed back to the house. It we left around um, 10pm? So now it was almost 11:30. "My mom said she left food for us when we got back, I think she was making lasagna, If you wanna go put this stuff in my room and I'll get us plates?" He asked. 

I nodded grabbing the bags from Tubbo, a few minutes later I came back and Tubbo was sitting down, an open seat next to him, with two plates. "Hi Ranboo! you can come sit down and then when we're done we'll go in the pool!" I just nodded as I sat next to him, purposely trying to avoid looking at the plates.

"You gonna eat?" Tubbo asked me. He was about half way done with his food, I had only taken about 2 or 3 bites. Don't get me wrong, it was good. It was just hard to eat. "Uh, I think I'll try eating later, I'm not too hungry" I said. Tubbo nodded and said I could go get ready for the pool. I nodded and went to his now shared room with me to get ready.

I looked down at my scars

Am I Ok With This?

Word Count- 1278

Finished- 8/2/21