trust | lierra

twenty

Twenty

School was going great. I made tons of friends, got closer with Dylan and his friend group, and surprisingly did well in classes, though English was a little bit of a struggle. While school was going great, sleeping was not. My sleep schedule was terrible. Ashton's sleep prescription was not working, but Luke and Sierra still wanted me to take it.

"I don't wanna," I sobbed as Sierra hugged me tightly. It was eleven at night and they had been trying to get me to take the stupid pill for an hour now. They were frustrated, I was sobbing, nothing was going well.

"Carter, you have to take it," Luke told me, getting irritated but trying to stay calm. I shook my head and turned away from him, burying my face into Sierra's shoulder. I knew the pill would make me fall asleep quickly, but then I knew I would wake up having a nightmare. The solution was to just not sleep.

"Carter, you have to sleep," Sierra told me as she rubbed my back.

"No," I refused. They were getting tired, and I was getting more anxious.

"Should I call Ashton?" Luke asked and Sierra nodded. I heard Luke leave the room, which meant it was just me and Sierra.

"Angel, you have to sleep,"

"No," I shook my head and she sighed.

"Are your nightmares the same as before or worse?"

"Worse, they all hurt me," I cried. It was hopeless, I would never be able to sleep again. She hugged me tighter and Luke came back into the room, making me look over at him.

"Ashton is on his way over," Luke announced as he sat down on the bed, rubbing my back. We were all exhausted, especially me. My eyes were puffy and red, I had large dark circles, and I felt too weak to do anything. All I could do was sit with the two and focus on my breathing. Within ten minutes Ashton was over, wearing sweats and a large shirt, "Hey Carter," he smiled and sat down next to me and Sierra, then Luke sat down. "How about we let Luke and Sierra stay so they can help me understand what's going on?" he suggested. I nodded in agreement as I picked my head up to look at him, still leaning on Sierra as she leaned against the headboard. "How are you feeling right now?"

"Scared and tired," I mumbled and he nodded.

"And you don't want to take the medication?" he asked and I shook my head.

"It makes my nightmares worse and scarier," I explained with my voice cracking.

"How long does she normally sleep?" He looked at Luke and Sierra.

"Three hours, then we're up for two or three hours trying to calm her down," Luke answered.

"And how about tonight?"

"We tried to get her to take her medication for an hour, but she was in a full panic, just screaming and crying," Sierra explained.

"Here's the problem," Ashton leaned back on the bed, "she already didn't sleep before this medication. I had to prescribe this specific medication to help her sleep because the others would not work with her anxiety medication. The two together would alter her mind so much that she would be so irritable and angry," he told us. "Other medication for anxiety will mess with her mood, so the one she is taking now I don't want to change. She reacts well with it and seems a lot more calm and happy,"

"So what is the other option?" Luke asked.

"We take her off of this medication and give her over the counter melatonin, but I don't think it will work well," he answered. "I will look into more medication and consult with other doctors. I was hoping the side effects would just go away over time, but it's getting worse because she is panicking about it. The other option is keep her on the medication, but I don't think that is the best option with her mindset right now,"

"How much melatonin can she have?"

"I would go with 5 miligrams for now," he answered and Luke nodded. He got up and went into the counter, pulling out a pill and sitting back down with a cup of water.

"No," I shook my head and began to cry again. I turned away from him and buried my face back into the crook of Sierra's neck.

"Carter, this isn't anything like the medication beforehand. This just makes you sleepy, it's something that can be bought at the store," Ashton reassured me. "I take one before I go to bed, it won't make your nightmares any worse," I nodded and calmed down, then took the pill hesitantly. "You did a great job calming down," Ashton told me with a smile. "I would also have her meet with a sleep therapist to get another input, I can recommend you to someone,"

"Thanks Ash," Sierra smiled gratefully.

"I'll walk you out, I'm sorry for calling so late-"

"No need to apologize, I would have come no matter what time," he smiled. "Get some rest Carter, or at least try to," he smiled at me and I nodded. Luke and him left the room and I laid against Sierra quietly.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Why are you sorry?" she questioned.

"For yelling and keeping you up,"

"Don't apologize for that, you're hurting and we want to help you anyway we can. Now we have a new plan and we'll stick to that," she reassured me. "Never apologize for showing us how you feel, emotions are hard to navigate through," she explained and I nodded. We were quiet as Luke came back and climbed into bed.

"Feeling a little better?" he asked and I nodded. "Good," he smiled. We were quiet for a little, none of us going to bed, then I spoke up.

"I love you guys," I quietly told them and looked at each of them. Both had giant smiles on their faces, which relieved me.

"We love you too, Carter," Sierra told me and kissed my cheek.

"We love you so much," Luke added and kissed the top of my head. I smiled gratefully, relaxing more as we laid there for hours, them dozing off and on while I was wide awake petting Petunia who was asleep and watching a movie on their TV.