Chapter 12

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"What did you and Katy talk about?" I asked as soon as we were in my car. Ken's eyes were still red.

"Nothing important" I felt like i was punched in the face by his answer. I trusted him to tell me. I wanted to yell at him but i didnt want to look like i was one of those jealousy unreasonable girlfriend, which made me want to cry. I didnt want to look weak. I tighten my mouth into a straight line which turned into a pout to stop the tears. Ken didnt notice, he only stared at the road. I turned my head to the car's mirror on my side. Tears flowing out of my eyes. I tried not make a sound, so he wouldnt notice. I wiped my eyes and turned back to see Ken's tears fall down his face. I didnt understand this. He was hurt. And he wouldn't tell me why. We were both hurt. We kept quiet throughout the ride.

When we arrived in front of my house, I went straight up to my bedroom and sobbed. Ken knew he hurt me but he still didnt bother to talk to me. I didnt know why this hurt so fucking bad. I cried. I sobbed. I slept with the tears.

I woke up early and went to school alone. I wanted to make him realizes his mistake. But I didn't see him the whole day at school. So Katy was so important that Ken truant school. And he didn't even tell me. I felt terrible. Horrible. Bad. I just...couldn't help it, so I cried hoping to release all the thoughts and problems, but it got worse. I sobbed and sobbed until my body ran out of water, at least it felt like that because no tears came out anymore. I was so tired of this stupid thing. He told me he loved me. And I loved him. And he kept things away from me. I was just tired and exhausted.
I decided to text him, though I had no idea what to talk about.
"Where are you? Why weren't you at school today???" I texted him. It seemed a good enough reason to talk right? i waited for a few minutes, kept staring at my phone but nothing. So I went to his house, maybe something came up. I was about to turned the knob over but heard shoutings from inside his house. His mom's voice echoed till the doorstep I'm standing on, but not so clearly just about to made out they are arguing. I caught words like-Why are you-school-don't-don't care-getting worse-school-grown up-girl-acting like this-love-stupid....i didn't want to look like I was eavesdropping and i was just outside his house which must made me looked crazy leaning in others door like that. I thought I'd came back later at night when his mom has gone.

I came back at 8pm. I rang his doorbell, he opened the door and looked surprised that I came. Shocked, even. I suppressed a smile then heard someone calling for him in the house, maybe his mom hasn't gone back yet? But the figure came closer to the door, she asked "who's it, Ken?" And I remembered whose voice was that. Katy's.
My heart stopped working. I couldn't take in what I just saw. Katy walked up next to Ken holding a mug, smiling at me and said "oh, Kris." "What are you doing here?" like this was what she always did everyday. What was I doing there? Should I greet her and pretend it's normal that his ex girlfriend is here in his house or slap both of them and walk away so I could feel better?
I smiled and walked away, not into my house but I didn't know where either. "Wait, Kris." I heard Ken shouted after me. I didn't want to go home and cry on my bed. But I had no place to go. I just walked. I didn't know where I was going. I ended up sitting on a public bench in a park in the neighborhood. No sign of Ken. He didn't care that much to come after me. My brain has stopped working. I couldn't think. I couldn't make any excuses to cover what I just saw. I sat on the bench, stared straight ahead. People passing by, took a glance at me and walked away like I was some alien. I just didn't know what to do. My phone beeped. Ken's name popped up. And I just realized I have been gripping on my phone too tightly and it left marks on my hand. I ignored Ken's call because I didn't know what to say and I didn't want to hear his voice and I didn't want him to hear me cry. I was relieved i could still cry, because I was afraid I was already dead. Ken's name disappeared. He didn't try again. And I cried harder. I gave up. I didn't want to be the one to plead others. People always ignored my feelings. All Love taught me was never get in a relationship again because it will hurt you and kill you over and over. Love was ugly.

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