Skinty

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When I was thirteen years old and under 5'0 I weighed a grand total of 165 pounds.

It was gross.

No one noticed me, I was nothing more than the 'fat' back girl.

Boys didn't like me.

Girls talked about me.

And my mom barred me from the refrigerator....during the day.

During the night I snuck into the kitchen on the tips of my toes with one thing in mind, a slice of cheesecake.

Or a twenty ounce soda.

Maybe a bag of chips.

Something...anything that tasted good--to go in my mouth and make it all go away.

When I was fourteen I got tired, no I got fed up with all the jokes...all the ridicule and the looks and I did something about it.

At fifteen I lost fifty pounds and weighed a miniscule 115 pounds at 5'4.

At first I was too thick, now I was too skinny.

I couldn't win...at all.

So I unconsciously gained every single pound back, year by year until at the age of twenty I weighed not 165, but 170.

Once again I was too thick at 5'6 and twenty years of age.

I lost, again.

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