Falling In Love?

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*****

I don't remember how any of it happened.

The last thing I recall is going in to the back garden for some fresh air.

After that, my lungs start tightening until it feels like a hand is slowly squeezing the life out of me, taking my very last breath. I fall to the ground, staring up at the dark sky and I inhale and exhale deeply. It doesn't work.

I don't know where it's come from. It appeared out of nowhere. Panic attack. That's when darkness invites itself in, sucking me into a black hole.

*****

I groan, my eyes fluttering open.

Jake is holding out a glass of water and I take it from him, sitting up. I'm lying in his bed with the covers around me, the room is dimly lit. The booming of music and chatter could be heard coming from downstairs and I know the party is still going strong.

"How are you feeling? You gave me a scare," Jake muttered, reaching up and playing with a strand of hair. His fingers follow the curl, and I chug the water down, grateful for the hydration.

"I have no idea what happened," I mutter, placing the glass down and running a hand over my face. I feel like I've been smacked with a bus, going full speed. 

"You had a panic attack and blacked out. I found you in the garden."

My hands begin to tremble as I register Jake's word.

"It was terrifying," I whisper, my hand resting over my throat. I remember the way panic set inside me as I recalled unable to breathe. My lungs and throat burned. Jake placed one arm around me, pulling me into his chest. I can feel his heartbeat through his shirt and it's comforting, calming my nerves.

"Do you think it will ever get better? The war inside my head. Will it ever go away?" I mumble, blinking back tears. Jake's hold tightens around me and he sighs deeply.

"I'll let you know when mine disappears."

"How long has it been?" I ask him quietly.

"Years Muffin."

"Wow, I wasn't expecting that," I chuckle dryly, feeling hopeless.

"It gets easier to deal with. Certain people come into your life and slowly begin mending it without even realising. My scars aren't as deep anymore, it doesn't hurt as bad. I have hope that one day it'll disappear."

"Certain people?" I ask him, holding my breath. He stills underneath me, pausing before responding, his words causing me to smile.

"You . . . just you."

I can't wipe the smile from my face. We both lie there, the sounds of the chaos downstairs becoming a distant buzzing noise. My hand find his and I lace my fingers tightly with his. A part of me feared I'd never be fixed, forever remaining damaged. Jake's words gave me a small glimmer of hope and I'm clutching at it tightly, ready to give it a chance.

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