Little Bird (Ed Sheeran)

Chapter 12 ~ Moni

    My heart is hammering against my ribcage and I can’t stop fidgeting with my fingers, anxiety eating me alive from my very core. I can’t wait for the moment I see him walking towards me, his cute and awkward smile, his ginger hair in that messy way I just love, his black glasses helping him to see better and the bag on his shoulder. I’ve missed him so much it hurts. I know it has been less than a month but it feels like a part of me was missing and now it’s finally returning to me. I even finished a paper before coming here to the airport so I could have all the free time to spend it with him.

Sometimes, when I catch myself thinking these things, or missing him the way I’ve missed him, I get scared because I know I’m falling too hard and too fast. Too soon he’s become an important part of my life, someone I need next to me and that is scary because I don’t know for how long I’ll have him with me. Maybe he’ll get bored of me or he’ll realise I’m not the right girl for him, that there’s someone better suited for him out there and he’ll leave me but I’ll have all these feelings inside and I’ll feel like I’m falling apart. Again. And I’m scared of that, of falling for him to lose him the next moment.

But I can’t help it; I can’t stop my heart from beating for him. I guess that’s my curse, always feeling too strongly. When I care about someone, I care with all my heart. When I love, I love with all I have inside and that’s why when things don’t work out I’m left broken on the floor.

I know Ed would never hurt me on purpose, but sometimes the biggest wounds are not made intentionally.

I forget all my pessimistic thoughts when I see him, his ginger hair shining with all the lights in the airport and I can’t help the smile from coming to my lips as my heart sprints in my chest, ready to win another race on CSR Racing. He finds me among the crowd and a smile of his own appears on his face as well and I see him speeding up as I start walking towards him as well, dying to wrap my arms around him burying my nose in the crock of his neck until I’m drunk of his scent.

The moment we meet, I’m almost running and I throw myself at his arms as he lets his bag hit the floor to wrap his own arms around me to keep me close. I can’t utter a word when his lips are over mine, kissing me hungrily and I just reply with the same intensity. It feels like I haven’t had him like this in months.

“Jesus, I’ve missed you so much!” he exclaims giving me quick pecks on my lips. “I swear this flight took longer than any other I’ve been on before.”

“But you’re here now. Welcome back,” I reply hugging him back and closing my eyes tightly as I hide my face on his shoulder. “You tired?” I ask pulling back a tiny bit, just to look him in the eyes.

His arms are still around me and from the corner or my eye I see Stuart with all the other members of Ed’s crew picking up luggage and making their way to the exit. Ed kisses my forehead bringing my attention back to him again and the feeling of his lips on my skin makes my mutant butterflies go insane.

“I’m dying to go home. Will you come with me?” he asks me in that shy voice, his eyes still unsure.

I feel bad because I know he must doubt my feelings for him, and I don’t blame him. I barely called him during his tour in America and even though sometimes it was because I really didn’t have the time, sometimes I just couldn’t make myself take the phone and dial his number. I just can’t be like that, I try but it doesn’t come naturally for me and I feel like he will realise that I’m forcing myself to be like that when I’m not. I wish I could be like any of the other girls, just calling him when I miss him, forgetting about everything but I can’t, I can’t forget about all the things he has to do, all his responsibilities and before everything, his wellbeing is first and I have to respect his job and duties. I can’t just put my necessities before his. That’s not me and that will never be.